Flat Earthers: You’re doing science wrong

While You Weren’t Paying Attention

Unless you’ve been in a cave for the last couple of years, like me you’ve heard of this rising sea level of jackassery known as the Flat Earth Movement. If you’ve been lucky enough to live in blissful ignorance of these low watts, I’ll do you the cruel disservice of explaining their beliefs.

At a glance:

1. The earth is not round.
2. The earth is, in fact, a flat disk, and that all the rules of science since the goddamn dark ages are all wrong.
3. Science isn’t just wrong, the science of “globalism” is a massive conspiracy to trick all of us into believing the earth is round. This, apparently, includes NASA and all other space programs, every scientist throughout the ages, from Pythagoras all the way down to Stephen Hawking, and every single satellite ever launched into space. That’s a goddamn impressive conspiracy.
4. This flat earth upon which we are supine, is surrounded by a giant ice wall, called Antarctica. What lies beyond the ice wall is up for grabs, but likely its something NASA wants to keep for itself.
5. For thousands of years, we’ve all been played for rubes, accepting this scientific mumbo jumbo like the sheep we are.
6. All of this “Round…