The Worst Singer in the Universe is Crowned!

As of two days ago, Gorg, a Borgus from the planet Corgusborg of the Scorgurcorburgus Galaxy, has been crowned the Worst Singer in the Universe. Each contestant was sworn to secrecy, and each judge thought they had won a lifetime supply of ice cream from the planet Earth and were being driven to it in stretch limousines. The judges also happened to be criminals serving infinite number of infinite life sentences at Pri’son Prison (the worst named prison in the universe), so no one actually cared about the torture they were about to endure.

To avoid any unnecessary accidents, the contest was held in a secret location on the desolate planet Vandragoth to avoid having any accidental sound from hurting people. A special building was built just for this occasion which has since been melted down and erased from existence by the Universal Police Force. Inside the building was a single room, devoid of time, that was made of cement, reinforced with Adamantium Walls, and encased in a Waslehaus, from which no sound is said to escape. As a safety precaution, singers and judges were separated by sixteen inches of sound-proof glass, but no one really knows why as no one actually cares about the judges.

Gorg was first up, and she proceeded to sing a local ballad from her own planet. She was also the only contestant to actually kill someone, which is why she won first place.

Sing-53762, a damaged Opera Unit robot built by the R.O.B.O.T. company, sang in binary so no one actually understood it. However, she did make everyone’s ears bleed and cause involuntary convulsions and was awarded third.

Szothramar, a Longorian, was the surprise entry as he wasn’t even invited. Due to poor security, he was able to sneak in undetected. He was only spotted after they sealed and encased the room, so the hosts allowed him to compete. No one thought he would do well, but he sung a note so high that it was impossible to hear and it shattered all 16 inches of glass. Luckily, he was last in the rotation and was awarded second.

The event was considered a success by all, even with no audience and no televised show. The after-party is set for next month, and as a precaution no singing will be allowed there.

If you want to learn more about this spectacular event, they are releasing a DVD of interviews done before and after the event entitled “Beyond the Notes.” Before and after pictures of the judges will be included as limited edition posters. The DVD is likely to be gruesome and violent, and will definitely sell out quickly.

As an unforeseen benefit, the Judges of Justice have mentioned talk of using this as a new prison sentence and a new way to inflict community service. They hope this will deter people from crime in the future.