Overcoming The Inner Critic

Last week, I introduced to you how a part of us becomes our critic and ultimately leading to a state of self-sabotage. I have heard or seen situations where a constructive criticism had helped to better one’s perception or view about one’s life or actions. However, this is not the case with the inner critic who wants to see that we are not happy with ourselves and so would never do anything to make our life better.

Today, I want us to look at how we can overcome the negative, always beating-down, never-encouraging inner critic — and of course from my personal perspective.

First, you need to understand where your inner critic comes from. The truth is that you were not born with an inner critic. We internalize moral and authoritative messages from significant people in our life — parents, teachers, peer groups, influential institution. By their influence, we started early in life hearing or even sensing what we should or should not do, what was good behaviour and what was bad. All these also came with lots of disapproval and abusive messages. Knowing the root of our inner critic makes it easier for us to uproot it. So, how did I do that?

1. I ensured I didn’t define my life based on the labels people placed on me. Whenever, someone tell me, ‘you are not good at anything’, I reply them with results of my success. And all my life, I have surpassed people’s expectation of me by refusing to be labelled. I call myself who and what God calls me.

2. I ensured that I was not defined by what others expected of me. No one has the right to impose a ‘should’ or a ‘must’ on me. Whatever enters my dictionary of ‘should’ and ‘must’ has to be first based on ideal principle that promotes positive circumstance in my life and tends towards the fulfillment of my purpose.

3. I ensured that my situation does not define my destination. That I am not where I should be does not mean I will not get there. So long as I keep doing the right thing, at the right time and for the right reasons, then there is no reason why I should remain at the same level in life. I am progressing daily.

4. I ensured that I did not live my life comparing myself with any other person. I understand my uniqueness and how special and wonderful God made me. I am me and can only be me. So, though I admire the greatness in others, I do not let it becloud my own sense of personal greatness.

Let me conclude with these points. If you truly want to overcome your inner critic, then you must:

• Make the choice to be kind to yourself by questioning your initial thoughts, which is key to slowing down that voice.
• Embrace your imperfections. It’s enormously freeing (not to mention a huge stress reducer) to stop holding yourself to insanely high standards. “Perfectionism is so destructive.”
• Allow God to be the one that speaks to your life and ensure it is His words that reign supreme in your life.
• Do your best everyday to stand out, even with the little you have. Always ensure that by the end of each day, you can beat your chest to say ‘I have done my best.’

Thank you for sharing your time with me.

Your friend,
Apeh