How to Adjust Yourself to Living in an Intercultural World

We are now living in a world where regular interactions with people from other cultures are inevitable.

Intercultural communication no longer is a skill that is “good to have”. In today’s world, it has become a necessity.

Unfortunately, the majority of people are ill-prepared for adapting to new cultural environments, understanding people with a different cultural perspective, and adjusting their behavior in ways that are more suitable to the cultural framework of the other side.

You can never expect anybody else to adjust their behavior according to your needs

A lot of people ask themselves why they should be the one’s to adapt. From their perspective, the other side should be the one’s to adjust their behavior. Or, at least, both sides should make compromises.

This way of thinking just doesn’t work in today’s world.

Very few people today have had the necessary exposure to other cultural environments and the necessary training in order to think outside their own cultural framework.

Even if people want to adjust their behavior in order to create a better communication with you, in reality this simply won’t work.

Again, intercultural communication is a skill. And like any other skill, it takes years to master and a lot of exposure to different cultural environments.

One of the major mistakes people make is to think that when they are the one’s to adjust their behavior to the other side — for example in a process of negotiation — then this is a sign of weakness.

The person who has the mental flexibility to adjust their behavior is the one who is at the advantage

Let’s say you are in a negotiation with a company from a strongly different cultural background compared to your own.

You know that there are major disagreements on both sides, and that these disagreements are the results of the different cultural expectations that exist on both sides.

Eventually, you are the one to give in and you make some major concessions in line with the expectations of the other side.

While this may see as a ‘loss’ on your side, what we are forgetting here is that you are:

• the only side that has an understanding of both cultural perspectives and thus better understand the agenda of your negotiation partner
• make use of this understanding to pick and choose areas in which to make concessions that are not important to you but seem like a major victory to the other side
• using these feelings of ‘victory’ on the side of your negotiation partner to improve the outcomes in areas of the negotiation that are truly important to you

Having a clear understanding of the other cultural perspective primarily gives you the ability to choose.

In which areas do you want to adjust your behavior, and in which areas do you want to remain firm?

One of the major advantages of being a skilled intercultural communicator is that we are increasing our behavioral repertoire. What this means is that by internalizing new cultural perspectives, we are adding new behaviors to our mental toolbox that we can use whenever it suits our situation.

On the other side, somebody who is unable to think outside of the constraints of their own cultural conditioning won’t be able to understand the other person’s way of thinking, putting him or her at the disadvantage.

You need to learn how to live with the discomfort of constantly being exposed to new worldviews

Living in a truly intercultural environment means having discomfort with us as a constant companion.

The environment that we grew up in has taught us certain assumptions, values beliefs and beliefs which we are simply taking for granted since we share them with those around us.

Once our world becomes more intercultural, suddenly we are exposed to perspectives and behaviors that may be diametrically opposed to those that have been ingrained into us since our childhood.

We have to acknowledge the fact that the way in which we perceive the world is far from being ‘the one true reality’.

Neither is the worldview that has been ingrained into us in any way ‘better’ than any other worldview. It is just different — that’s all.

The discomfort that comes from the exposure to other, equally valid perspectives on the world, is the feeling that arises when we start questioning our most central beliefs and, ultimately, who we are.

It is a part of the process of transformation that we are going through as we internalizing a new perspective on the world, rethinking our existing beliefs, integrating old and new beliefs, and ultimately forming a new worldview.

You need to start perceiving yourself as a person who is in a constant state of change

Another major problem for people failing to adjust to living in an intercultural world is that they do not understand the difference between being grounded in their own values versus being rigid in their way of thinking.

Yes, it is true that being grounded in your own values is important.

Being grounded in your own values and beliefs means that you understand who you are and which central assumptions are guiding you through your life.

This has the result that we are remaining consistent in our behavior and form a consistent sense of who we are throughout our lifetime as opposed to drifting along and shifting our behavior from situation to situation.

What being grounded in your own values and beliefs doesn’t mean is that you can not question these beliefs from time to time.

Our beliefs are a result of our own reflection upon ideas that are communicated to us by other people and situations which we have faced throughout our lifetime.

There are two important elements here to keep in mind. Firstly, there are external situations which we face that determine which beliefs we develop. Secondly, our own responses to these situations play an important role as well.

The point I am trying to make here is that in developing certain beliefs about the world, we are limited by the experiences we have made throughout our lifetime.

No belief we develop can ever be the ‘final truth’.

We always need to maintain a balance between being grounded in our values and beliefs, while at the same time remaining critical about them.

So, what are the next steps?

Adjusting yourself to living in an intercultural world isn’t easy. It requires a significant amount of mental flexibility without losing touch of the central values and beliefs that shape who you are.

Here are some thought exercises that you can go through:

• In the past, how have you dealt with situations in which you felt uncomfortable about being exposed to new ways of thinking?
• If you ask yourself honestly, do you expect other people to adjust their behavior according to your own needs?
• How rigid are you in your way of thinking? Do you question your own values and beliefs on a regular basis? If you are exposed to new ways of thinking, do you try to integrate them into your own belief system?

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