What Popular Nigerian Phone Brands Can Tell You About Relationship Partners
Entering into a relationship can be like buying a new phone.
No phone is perfect and this is also the case for every person. No one is perfect.
There is the Tecno partner.
As with Tecno phones, they are shiny but aren’t durable. They don’t last long. That’s that partner you’ve always got to pamper. You care about them and want them to stick around for longer, but then, even without a fight, they will get tired and leave the relationship.
These people are better off having flings.
There is the Infinix partner.
This is the partner that will last long. When Infinix first came, their pitch was a big and long-lasting battery to handle your multimedia and internet needs. And yes, they kept up to it, for the most part.
As with the phones, Infinix partners last long. They have a deep emotional capacity and they will stay long with you. My Dad used an Infinix phone for about 5 years, so I can tell. Well, he wanted to use other phones, but as he was buying them, we were collecting them. My brother collected a Tecno, and I got a new Samsung. What are dads for?
However, as much as Infinix partners have deep emotional capacities, they can be almost unforgiving. They can take all the shits you’ve been doing for years, but one day, they will start to react.
They know you’ve been sexting with another person from work, but they’ve been keeping quiet. But since they saw you holding hands with that other person in the nice restaurant, they’ve been reacting, however quietly. And it mostly starts with the silent treatment.
You: What’s wrong?
Them: Nothing.
You: You’re sure?
Them: Nothing.
You: It’s a lie, there’s something. Tell me.
Them: it’s nothing, really. I just don’t feel like talking to you. That’s all.
This is how the cookie crumbles.
And just as you will try to repair the broken screen of an Infinix phone, you will try to mend the relationship. Some will go to couple’s counseling, others will involve friends and family members. However, just as you can’t restore a broken phone screen to a completely new state, your relationship can never come back as new.
The trust issue will always be there.
Then we have the iPhone partners.
iPhone has levels. You can easily differentiate between an iPhone 4 user (and they are still in town — could you get an upgrade or a Tecno, please?) and an iPhone 11 user.
The only argument I can come to as the reason a person still uses iPhone 4 in August 2020 is that despite all the technological advancement that has happened since 2010, the person is either stuck in the past or wants to just feel among iPhone users.
And don’t come with the — that’s what he or she can afford argument — there are cheaper phones with much better capacities and features. Just pawn that crap for God’s sake!
Now, the iPhone 4 partner is that person that just started dating for the sake of dating. They just want to feel among. They have no tangible reason for dating than just the feeling of ‘I’m also dating someone.’
I have once asked a girl out for this reason, so I know.
Next is the iPhone 6 partner.
They really want the companionship of a relationship, but there is something else to it. They enjoy the feeling of being in a relationship and would like to show it off.
So, don’t be surprised when they constantly showoff their partner on social media. Everything is outwardly nice about their relationship. They are the ones always having the epic romantic moments captured by the camera.
However, there is a variation to this — maybe the 6s version of the iPhone. Many in this category would let the world know they are in a relationship, but they won’t share the person’s pictures or share us romantic moments. But then, we’d get to see posts like this:
Since I found you, I found love. My King, My Queen. And other romantic nonsense!
These people love to keep their partners as an open secret. They will reveal the identity of the person to you after you’ve promised them not to tell anybody. But that’s the same thing they’re telling everybody. So, everybody knows! And everyone is pretending not to know.
And then the iPhone 7 partners.
These people are classy, but they don’t come out often. They have a lot of emotional capacity and they’re mostly focused on balancing their careers with their relationships.
When you see them you would easily identify them. I’m not saying they’re the perfect couple, but they’re good.
But then, as the iPhone battery is not the best, they constantly feel the need to be assured by their partners that they’re still loved.
They face intense competition at work and, many times, they feel inadequate. Their partner is that last wall of confidence they can lean on.
And to be honest, there is always someone better, more handsome, beautiful, younger, and smarter. Just as there is the iPhone 8, X, and 11.
And the latest iPhone partners.
These are the partners you get when you want to show off to your friends. That your perfect-body-model girlfriend who would turn the heads of your friends anytime they see her. Or that your 6-figure in dollars — 8-figure in Naira — earning partner.
It could be this way. That your babe that’s doing stuff. She’s getting all the promotions and the nice jobs, and you are extremely proud of her achievements. In fact, that’s what you’re in love with.
Or that your boyfriend with the perfect job, a nice car, and a lovely crib. Or maybe his family is damn rich.
You may not need their money or connections, but you secretly want to show-off to those who said ‘no’ to you in the past. Or those who left you. “In your face loser. I’m with someone better now. I don’t even know how I considered your miserable ass!”
And as you can deduce by now, these people tend to have deep emotional problems and they’re not telling you the whole truth. They just need that partner to showoff and massage their own egos.
Samsung partners try to be the best.
Just as a Samsung phone comes with a good-enough battery, awesome camera, award-winning screen technology, and a lot of capacity, Samsung partners have a lot of strengths.
You can show them off; they will stay with you; they can take your shit for a long while; they will care about you; they will do their best to love you.
In fact, just as Samsung phones do internal upgrades, these partners go through a lot of self-development. They most likely have read Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages and a lot of other books. And yes, they may drag your ass to church, mosque, or wherever else you worship.
You can throw a Samsung S10 into the water for 30 minutes. That shows their endurance. You can even be a jerk for a while. Just know your limit. Once they’re gone, you may spend the rest of your life regretting it.
Then we have the Torchlight Nokia partners.
You can’t show them off. Their English is not the best. Not extremely terrible, but quite far from Queen’s.
They don’t have the model body, and they may not have the choicest of jobs. But they are very good people.
They will stay with you when the whole world turns its back. Cheat on them, they will cry and get over it. Become abusive or nag, they will still endure.
In fact, just as you can use rubberband or sellotape to hold them together, they will remain.
It is the way you deal with them that you will enjoy them. Frustrate their lives, you will leave with that frustration till can’t take it any longer.
And most times, their partners cheat on them with a more sophisticated person. It is the same way you will have a torchlight phone, yet own an iPhone. But when the iPhone fucks up or goes dead, they’re there for you.
These partners could fall in any gender. Male, female, trans, non-binary, agender, androgyne, asexual, bigender, cis, gender fluid, genderless, genderqueer, third gender, or two-spirit. And whichever else there is.
The question then comes: what kind of partner are you?
