Can a Muslim be a Feminist?
Hair, Smile and Make up — the precursors to empowerment.
I want you to close your eyes and imagine seeing a woman in a hijab walk by. What are the first thoughts that come to mind? Oppressed? Extremist?
And if you don’t have a conscious bias, you might think it’s the 21st century, why do they feel like wearing it? It must be so suffocating to wear it all day.
What if I told you, I felt suffocated before I wore a Hijab, and I feel liberated when I do wear it.
I didn’t wear a Hijab for the first 28 years of my life. I always knew I should but I never felt a connection to it. I don’t like doing things out of societal pressure or someone’s expectations of me, I wanted to do it for the right reasons.
I waited, I prayed for guidance and I did my own research. In a couple of months, my mind was blown. How was I not given this information before?
The Liberated idea of Women — Heels, Smile and Great Hair
Growing up as a kid, I was full of energy. Playing sports, running around, joking, laughing hysterically and jumping on the sofa were my expertise. But as soon as puberty hit, people’s expectations of me began to shift.
Suddenly my gender began to influence how I was to behave, and there was an increasing focus on how I looked. Girls had to be pretty and likeable — the nice girl concept was introduced in my life.
Nice girls don’t jump on the bed. Nice girls don’t use a loud voice. Why don’t you straighten your hair? You would look much prettier if you used this cream for your skin.
As a colonized country, our brown skin was much more appealing if it was less brown…and more white. Yes, I know it sounds crazy. But that’s a topic for another article.
I could tell there was a shift in how society wanted to mold me. I had to smile, be polite, dress nicely and not openly express my opinions and engage in arguments. A majority of these messages were silently communicated. No one told me that’s how a girl is, but somehow my 13 year old brain knew.
Was it the Disney films? Little Mermaid telling me I needed a prince to rescue me, or Cinderella telling me a prince is my answer to happiness. Disney kept playing the damsel in distress card, and everyone fell for it.
I needed that magical dress, hair and make up so I could find my purpose in life?
Even when Cinderella was oppressed by her stepmother and stepsisters, she never raised her voice or even tried to resist. Why didn’t she fight the injustice and stand up for her rights?
Instead, she sang away her worries to a few mice, just like a nice girl is supposed to do. If she wasn’t a nice girl, do you think the prince would have chosen her and rescued her from her miserable life?
Islam is for Men — Women are the sidekicks to Men
I spent my entire life thinking women were somehow second citizens in Islam. I grew up in a Muslim majority country, where women were idealized for being great wives and great mothers. As a mother she was expected to be self sacrificial, as a wife she was supposed to be dutiful and stay at home.
Is this it? I could never truly feel connected to these expectations of women.
This felt like the same Cindarella sob story, a woman has to accept her destiny and wait for the generosity and praise of men to prosper.
It was only when I did some active research, that I found that Islam doesn’t ask for any of these sacrifices from women the way it’s made out to be.
Men and Women as Partners in Islam
God says in the Quran, “the believers, men and women, are friends to one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong’.( 9:71)
Women do have different responsibilities and roles than men, but ultimately they work in a partnership, as friends or allies.
A woman goes through childbirth and breastfeeds a baby — a man can’t do any of this even if he wants to. But a man is still responsible for his family and has to take care of their needs. A model of cooperation and mutual care and respect is present.
A woman is not obligated to do a man’s laundry in Islam or do all of the house chores, the Prophet (PBUH) did house work in his home and he didn’t “help” but considered this a job or duty for himself.
Al-Aswad reported: I asked Aisha, “What did the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, do in his house?” Aisha said, “The Prophet would do chores for his family and he would go out when it was time for prayer.”
Source: Sahin Al Bukhari 676
The word “mihnah” is used for “doing chores”, which implies that this was considered a job or a duty instead of just ‘’helping out’’ as a favor.
When a woman isn’t unfairly burdened with all of the house work, she is then able to also gain an education and play an important role in the social, economic and political sphere of society.
There were women who took part in military battles, ran businesses, produced scholarship on Islam and took care of their responsibilities as a wife, mother and daughter during the prophet’s (PBUH) time.
Some of the examples include:
- Umara al-Ansariyyah was a brave fighter during the prophet’s time. She took part in the Battle of Uhad and was known for her exceptional sword fighting skills. She took part in the battle alongside her husband and two sons.
- Al-Shifa Abdullah was appointed in a leadership role to oversee the commercial transactions in the entire city of Medina by the Caliph Umar. She would monitor the markets and traders would consult her on the legality of transactions. She was a married woman who had children, but that wasn’t the only responsibility she took. She excelled at her role, and was well known for her competence and knowledge.
- Aisha Abu Bakr, the prophet’s wife was one of the most important scholars in Islamic Jurisprudence and her lectures were attended by men and women.
The Muslim Woman
When I did my own research, this whole cultural mambo jumbo was wiped clean. Who says women have to smile, be submissive and people pleasing?
As a Muslim woman, the focus on my appearance took the back seat. It was my character and my actions that defined me, and that was truly liberating. I didn’t need a prince charming to save me or society to tell me my worth based on how I looked.
The hijab is not done for men. Its primary reason is to identify yourself as a Muslim woman. It’s a form of identification for yourself and for others around you. When a woman wears a Hijab, it’s between her and God. There are no intermediaries and she seeks no validation from anyone else.
When I put on the hijab, I remind myself of my identity. I know that I can’t lie and I can’t cheat. I’m going to be honest with my employer and work hard on my job. I’m not going to cut corners, I am not going to backbite and gossip or bring other people down to feed my insecurities. I have an identity. I have a purpose.
When I put on the Hijab, I felt free for the first time. My appearance took a back seat, it didn’t matter how my hair looked. All that mattered was how I conducted myself.
And guess what? I still smiled at people, but this wasn’t a “oh I hope everyone likes me and I don’t offend anyone” type of smile. This was a smile of freedom and acceptance of who I was.
My insecurities led me to overthink, am I good enough? What would people think of me? The Hijab freed me up to think of how I could be of service to others instead of thinking about myself.
Women are equal to Men?
Women are different from men in Islam, but isn’t that the point? To have our own identity and responsibilities. We don’t want to be added as the same as men, because we aren’t. We aren’t inferior or superior to men, we are just different but we are equally important as members of the Muslim community, and we have the ability to be members of society in more ways than just one.
Islam gives a woman the freedom to choose how she wants to contribute to society, she could be a scholar, an entrepreneur or a writer along with being a wife, mother and daughter. A woman can choose her path, and that’s why I felt empowered.
Before, the idea of wearing a Hijab and being recognized as a Muslim scared me. I would be responsible for how people judge my religion and that was a heavy burden to carry. But now I think of it as a great opportunity to help people learn more about me. I would prefer they learn about Islam directly from the source to get an unpolluted version that is pure from cultural toxicity.
If you liked this article, please consider following along to my journey of personal development, self-growth and self awareness. I write from the heart.
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