Where is God in Our Pain and Suffering?
The mere existence of pain and suffering in the world is proof for many that there is no God. That there CAN’T be a God.
Not a good and loving one at least.
“If there’s a God, where was He when ______?” A loving God would have saved them, healed them, protected me, stopped them, etc.
I get it. There have been plenty of times in my life when I’ve asked God, “why did you let this happen?”
But I believe God offers us a certain peace in not knowing. And I think part of that peace comes from seeing pain in a new light. To do that, I ask myself some deeper questions:
Is pain just a part of life?
Loved ones get sick. We get sick. People are selfish and uncaring at times. Everyone dies. We don’t have control over what happens to us or who hurts us in this life. That’s just reality.
I don’t like it. I don’t understand why. But I do understand that that’s just the way it is—for better or for worse. Life is cyclical.
If pain and suffering weren’t a part of life, we’d always be happy and everything would be perfect all the time. That sounds nice, but not realistic.
Maybe that sounds bleak, but it’s important to recognize the inevitability of pain so we don’t mistakenly see it as punishment. Or an unfairness only we suffer.
Pain isn’t given to us. We come upon pain as we walk the path of life.
Whose fault is it when we’re hurt?
We want someone to blame, don’t we? Someone needs to claim responsibility for our suffering. It’s natural to point fingers at those who’ve wronged us.
We can blame a boyfriend who cheats on us. We can report our abusers to the police. Have our day in court.
But who do we blame when our parents get sick? When our kids get sick? Who do we blame when we’re 40-something and still without a partner?
During those times, we tend to point our fingers at God. After all, he’s supposedly all-powerful. If that’s true, why doesn’t he intervene? Why doesn’t he cure it? Why didn’t he stop it? Why doesn’t he give me my person?
Why is he so cruel?
And if we’re being honest, we blame God when people are the perpetrators too. Especially when it comes to global crises. Poverty and climate issues, human trafficking and war. We say no good God would let those things happen.
But they’re happening because of our own sinful nature. The imbalance of wealth. The irresponsible use and abuse of resources. Thirst for money and power. Pure evil intentions. In all these cases, humans are the problem. God is not the author of evil.
What role does God play in our suffering?
“No good God would let those things happen.”
It seems that for many people in the world, God can only play two roles in our pain: either causing it or preventing it.
That’s why we say things like, “why did God let this happen?” Because we believe he could have—and should have—stopped it from happening.
But I believe God plays so many other roles in our pain.
When we break up or get divorced, we may blame God for letting it happen. But what about when we find someone new who loves us more than we could ever imagine? When we re-marry someone who kisses the scars on our hearts and the bruises on our bodies?
What about when we lose our jobs? And during those few agonizing months, we pick up an old hobby and find passion and meaning again in our lives?
How about when we lose someone we love? Our friends and family swarm us with love and light. Hugs are tighter and longer, and we’re comforted.
When I pose the question, “Where is God in our pain?” I challenge us to see him not as the cause, but as our source of comfort, strength and redemption.
I see God not in my failed relationships and past betrayals, but in my new marriage. In a husband who surpasses every expectation, desire, need or want I’ve ever had for a partner.
I see God not in your father’s illness or death, but in the kindness and comfort of those who love you. In the unexpected laughs that will come and remind you there is still joy left in your life.
And in the strength you’ll somehow find to go on. To keep living your life and being present for your family despite your grief.
And in the horrors of human trafficking? I see God in organizations like A21 powered by faith-fueled difference-makers on a mission to abolish this practice for all, and for good.
Can anything good come from pain?
How we answer this question creates a lens through which we see our own suffering, as well as those around us.
If we answer no, and pain is all bad, then we will struggle our whole lives with the first three questions. We will be undone by every hurt, and lash out at God and others as we frantically search for someone to blame for our pain.
But if we answer yes—if we seek to see the good that comes from our struggles—we just might see the bigger picture, and find healing in our hurts.
Here’s what I’ve observed in my life:
Pain unites us.
Pain is universal. It’s one thing we all have in common. It’s what allows us to empathize with one another. It’s what gives us compassion and understanding to relate to one another’s struggles. It’s how we know what to say—and what not to say—when others are going through something similar.
We are better equipped to care for those around us when we ourselves know firsthand the pain they’re going through.
It’s also what draws us closer to each other. We seek out the care and comfort of our friends and family members when we’re going through it. Grief can even open us up to new communities—folks we connect with as we seek strength, solidarity and understanding in our struggles.
Pain is our greatest catalyst for change.
I’ve heard it said that, “we change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”
Sometimes, it takes pain in our lives to motivate us to make a change.
I had to hit rock bottom with my drinking before I decided to do something about it. Others have had to suffer terrible hurts before they finally decided to leave a relationship, family, job, religion, etc.
Addicts don’t usually wake up one day and just decide that their behavior is destructive. While it’s possible, it’s more often they decide to get help when they realize the pain they’ve caused themselves and the people around them.
Pain can become our purpose.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of folks who decided to pursue a career path in their lives as a result of their past pain or suffering.
Men and women who’ve overcome drug and alcohol problems who then decide to become therapists specializing in addiction.
Folks who grew up in broken homes who decide to pursue careers in social work so they can help save young children from the pain they experienced.
Marriages who suffer and overcome infidelity who then in turn counsel other marriages going through the same issues.
My mom always says, “God never wastes a hurt.” He wants to not only help us through our struggles, but he wants to take anything the evil powers of this world try to use to hurt us, and use it for good.
Pain draws us closer to God.
If you’re not a Christian, this maybe won’t matter as much to you. But as someone who’s committed her life to follow Christ, any time I’m going through something, I see it as an invitation.
To draw near to my Creator. To call on Him for comfort and strength. My own pain and suffering remind me that I’m human and need a power greater than myself to draw from.
Without pain, we would be invincible. We wouldn’t need anyone. Especially not God. I’m grateful for what happened to me. My suffering is what brought me back to God. Otherwise, I would have continued wasting my life away in a half-happy existence, bouncing from one “fix” to another.
I can’t answer every question pain poses. Specifically, “why me?” But I can offer a way to look at our pain differently. Not as oppression, but as opportunity. An opportunity to grow closer to those around us. To let our guard down and confess our need for comfort. An opportunity to lay ourselves down, and pick up those who are hurting around us. To take our pain and use it for good. To cry our tears at the feet of our Maker. And wait for the joy He promises.
