My environment is my productivity
I’m defined by a never-ending multitude of life goals. And it is exhausting. Whether it’s about love, startups, video games or sports, there’s always a target I feel the need to pursue. But it never ends. Whenever i achieve something, instead of feeling fulfilled, there’s suddenly a new objective which i desperately must reach. And the cycle continues.
Over the years, I’ve realised that it’s not the destination which makes me happy, but the road leading there. Feeling a sense of progression towards a target is what makes me delighted. And I’m not a workaholic, I despise work. But the joy i earn feeling productive somehow justifies spending nights in front of a laptop.
Why startups
My goals must matter. They have to help me progress somehow as a human being. In childhood, improving on a video game or learning to dribble a basketball were valid goals, because those were criteria which people used to judge me. It felt good to play well, I felt appreciated and it motivated me to keep practicing. But people no longer care about my dribbling skills. And basketball doesn’t help me experience or learn new things anymore. I still enjoy shooting free throws, but I can’t bring myself spending whole weekends practicing, like I used to.
I admit that nothing makes me feel as love does. It throws me in a state of euphoria so high that I’m sometimes wondering if anything else truly matters at all. However, i’m deliberately choosing not to spend much time on it. I’ve fallen in love only twice in my entire life, and I met both women through some completely random chains of events. My issue is finding love. It would feel counter productive to dedicate all my time searching for something which only appears randomly. Searching for love can’t satisfy my need of progression.
Startups, on the other hand, can. I’ve met so many unique individuals, each with their own story and motivation towards bringing new ideas to reality. I learn so much about the world and, more importantly, about me. And each startup is a different story, with a whole new set of lessons, challenges and experiences. Even when one of them fails, the joy of being part of that story far outweighs the disappointment of not becoming rich overnight. Each day i spend working on startups makes me feel like I’m progressing as a human being.
“The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.”
— Benjamin E. Mays
Tricking myself into productivity
I love feeling productive, but i detest working. Over time, this inner conflict made me a mastermind of tricking my own brain into completing tasks without feeling like working. I’ve learned to effectively turn small assignments into fun little games, or to reward myself periodically for every effort made. But it wasn’t enough, i craved being able to feel more productive in a healthy manner.
Two years ago, while I was working from home, my co-founder and best friend of 18 years, Vlad, proposed to meet at a co-working space to catch up on some programming tasks. And ten hours of work felt like two. We were both watching the clock thinking it was broken, because time couldn’t possibly fly that fast. And we almost forgot to take our lunch break. But we got more work done than what we aimed for in that day. And it felt great. No amount of exercise, chocolate or video games could ever match that feeling.
It felt so great that I went back the next day. And the day after. The next few weeks, instead of working comfortably from my home, I was commuting daily for two hours just so i can be part of the productive environment that place was offering. And I couldn’t grasp why. It must have been the community of entrepreneurs deeply absorbed into their work, because everything else I already had at home. Or so I thought.
One time, I arrived and I was their only customer the entire day. The only thing that I thought made the anti-café special was gone, and I wanted to go home. But I decided to stay for one short assignment, and I’ve completed it with the same love for productivity that place always offered me, as if nothing changed. And then it hit me. It wasn’t being surrounded by working entrepreneurs, but the interior design which made me work continuously without feeling exhausted.
“The purpose of life is not to be happy — but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.”
— Leo Rosten
Interior design is my therapy
I tried reproducing the environment with furniture and decorations which resembled those at the anti-café. And it looked similar, but it felt nothing the same. The magic wasn’t about any piece of furniture at the co-working space, it was about the way they all fit together as a whole. Similar to how a piece of puzzle has no value by itself. The anti-café contained details which I couldn’t see with my untrained eye, but which were necessary.
So I decided to hire an interior designer. She helped me rearrange the room I usually work from, combining things I already had with few decorations she recommended from online shops. I admit I was skeptical about the whole procedure, thinking she did nothing I haven’t previously tried, until my orders arrived and I followed her guidance. It then all clicked. She somehow created an environment which invites me to turn on my laptop and start programming. It feels similar to how a nice pair of basketball sneakers makes me want to practice dribbling. The additional daily tasks i can now complete without feeling tired thanks to her far outweighs the price she asked for.
Feeling productive is my way to disconnect. Having a purpose towards I’m actively working without feeling miserable is what motivates me to wake up early in the morning. For me, it’s something worth investing into. My only regret is not realising sooner how important my working environment is. I think entrepreneurs are usually not aware of how much their environment impacts their work, and this motivated me to co-found a startup related to interior design.
