Internet sad boy meets Adolf Hitler
Once upon a time there was a boy who was born on the Internet.
He was trapped and alone.
Sadly there was no one else for him to talk to.
One day, an old man showed up.
Eventually more people showed up.
Soon there was a queue that stretched across the Internet’s emptiness.
People were reasonable at first, because that’s how they are.
But all it takes is one bad apple. One apple leads to two apples, two apples to three apples, and three to four. Sometimes more.
He introduced himself as Adolf Hitler. This day, Adolf Hitler had been dead for 70 years. Internet sad boy knew the man was bad. He could tell. This man had no eyes or soul. He was lost.
The boy felt bad. He could sympathize with the man’s isolation (Estimated Internet population: 1). The man’s sadness resonated with the boy.
Adolf told Internet sad boy that he wanted more Internet than his normal amount. Internet sad boy said no. He told the man that he gives everyone the same amount. He went on that people should be treated equally. In fact, all living things should be treated equally. Birds, dogs, spiders — people too.
The man threatened the boy. The boy resisted. Adolf told the boy that his real name was Thomas and that he slept in Wondelpark. The boy told Thomas he’d stumbled across the lovely park on the Internet years ago — when HTML was cool.
Thomas grew impatient and cut off the boy’s pinky finger thinking he’d be able to harness the Internet. Turns out Adolf wasn’t so bright. And by bright I mean intelligent.
Adolf started crying when he realized the pinky was useless. He started begging the boy for forgiveness. Eventually the boy forgave Thomas.
Note: Anyone who introduces themself as Adolf Hitler may need help.
So Internet sad boy helped him.
Little did he know that event would generate a new set of potential events! And that his kindness would turn into a terrible burden.
It became harder and harder for the boy to say no when people asked him for more Internet. The people turned into zombies. Their sole purpose: harvest Internet sad boy’s Internet powers.
The sad part was that they used the boy. That’s why they’re called users today.
Without the boy there was no Internet. There was an intense pressure to support these people; the sad boy felt he had to help them — to guide these zombies through the darkness, and back into the light.
The noise became overwhelming. Billions were on the Internet. There were rumors that more planned to come. Internet sad boy felt a strangeness afar, but not so far (ie lagom).
The next day, an endless line of users walked into Internet sad boy’s server farm, asked him for Internet, and left.
Soon Internet sad boy couldn’t sleep. He was so busy giving people free Internet.
The boy googled the word “sad.”
It wasn’t the sad he knew.
It seemed like an opportunity to expand on humanity’s consciousness.
The boy added Internet sad to Wikipedia.
console.log(‘And then the Internet got sad as fuh.’);Regards,
Internet sad boy
…
