Rethinking Our Use of “Gay”
When I was eight years old, I found out that my aunt was gay. It wasn’t some colossal discovery, and it didn’t change the way I felt about her. At the time I didn’t even know that it mattered. Because it didn’t — and it still doesn’t, at least for my family. I was lucky enough to grow up in a family that was unconditionally loving and supportive, and I wasn’t taught that my aunt was any different from anyone else.
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GAAAAAY, that’s so gayyy!
It’s no longer 2006, I’m no longer eight. It’s 2014, and a lot has changed. Over the years, I’ve watched the definition of the word “gay” change. When I was eight years old, the only definition of gay I knew, was a person who loved someone of the same gender. Once I started middle school, that definition changed. “Gay” started to be used as an adjective to describe something that was “lame” or “annoying”. It became an insult. This wasn’t a gradual change of definition, and I can’t tell you why the change occurred. What I can tell you, is that for the past six years, “that’s so gay” is an expression I’ve heard a countless number of times.
Yet, why I’ve heard it so many times truly remains a mystery. What’s wrong with using the words “lame” and “annoying”? When did it become okay to use a form of love, regardless of who it’s between, as an insult?
When people use “gay” as an insult, they are doing more than calling something lame. They are classifying an entire community of people as something less than what they deem acceptable. By using the word “gay” interchangeably with “lame” or “annoying”, they are grouping all three words together. Over time all of this added up, and we’ve now reached a point where people don’t even realize how insolent they’re being.
In my school, the word “gay” has almost entirely lost its original meaning. It’s gotten to the point where kids now say it only because others do. Some aren’t even realizing that what they’re saying is insulting. That’s how desensitized people have become. This needs to change, and soon.
The people who attempt to stop the gross overuse of this word are far and few between. And the number continues to dwindle because of the ridicule they face for standing up and saying something.
Often, if a person takes a stand against the insulting use of this word, they’re asked if they are gay themselves. And if they aren’t gay, they’re asked why they care. They’re asked what the problem is. If they aren’t gay, then why do they care how the word is used. If they aren’t gay, it shouldn’t affect them. If they aren’t gay, then it shouldn’t bother them…. right? Wrong.
The fact that those who speak up are pressured into quieting down is appalling to me. People who recognize the injustice of this situation and take a stand against it should be commended. They should be able to help show others how callous they’re being, and urge them to rethink what they say! They shouldn’t be unnerved the way they are in my school. They shouldn’t be belittled, or dismissed.
I could go on for hours and hours about why I think that using the word gay as an insult is wrong. And why using phrases like “that’s so gay” to disparage something is wrong. Why it’s offensive and unacceptable. Why people should cut inconsiderate and insensitive language like that out of their vocabulary. Why people in my school should be more conscious and mindful of what they say when they speak.
I could also group everyone who says these words together, and say they all fall under the umbrella of those with cold hearts. It would be a lot easier than rationalizing why people say these things. But it would be a lie. Because no matter how much I am against their use, I can understand why people say them. Most people don’t intend to be malicious when using these words; they think what they’re saying is innocuous. They just aren’t being metacognitive enough — they aren’t fully aware of what they’re implying. Not enough people realize the repercussions of their words.
What my essay really comes down to is this — me asking two things. I’m asking two things of anyone and everyone who reads this essay.
First: if you ever find yourself about to say something along the lines of “ugh, that’s so gay,” or anything involving the word gay as an insult, stop. Just stop and take a second to think about what you’re really saying. Even if you aren’t personally saying it with the intentions of being offensive, think about the impact it has. Hopefully it’ll lead you to choosing a different word to better express yourself.
Second: if you ever find yourself in a situation where the people around you are tossing around the word “gay” like it’s no big deal — say something. You don’t have to go crazy, or lecture them, or hit them upside the head and shake some sense into them. Just casually say something like, “Hey man, you should use a different word. Don’t use ‘gay’ as an insult.”
Whatever you do, think before you speak. Don’t contribute to the misuse, and don’t be a bystander.
