A Vast Majority of Tamilians Are Still Patriarchal and Regressive
The thing about these regressive Tamilians is that, like any other regressive group of people, these people would also engage in instant denial when you point out how regressive they are. They would instantly, without any thought, try to cover themselves up by blaming a different group of people and would start calling you names to try to silence you. And that’s what we mean by “regressive” — unwilling to accept that they are wrong, unwilling to break age-old stereotypes and norms, not open to change, ever, and shamelessly taking pride in it.
And I am certainly not going to say “not all Tamilians” because I want my fellow Tamilians to take in this criticism, process it, try to not instantly defend themselves, see where they go wrong, and try to break these norms.
Tamil Nadu, a south-Indian state, boasts of rich culture and brilliant contributions to literature starting from a very long time ago. Tamil is in fact one of the most ancient languages if not the most ancient language, and unlike many other languages, Tamil keeps growing richer everyday with scholars actively adding words to the vocabulary to keep up with change and updates. Politically, too, Tamil Nadu has seen a lot many battles and struggles and has been the host of several rebellious movements, including the famous anti-caste movement by the rationalist Periyar, who was also strongly feminist — a fact that haters and so-called followers of Periyar conveniently forget.
Skin Color — The Fight to Assert The Dravidian Identity: I was told that one of the revolutionary movements in the Tamil media and entertainment industry was to bring back the Dravidian identity by casting dark-skinned men as heroes, who would do what any hero does in any story around the world: pleasing its audience. Great of you to rebel against your oppressor, bro, but why is it that in all your plots, plots written and directed by dark-skinned men, produced by dark-skinned men, with lyrics penned by dark-skinned men, involving comedians, choreographers and performers who happen to be dark-skinned men, the hero is considered “handsome” when he is “dark”, but the heroine has to compulsorily be a fair-skinned hour-glass figure? For the simple reason that it reflects your fantasy — fair-skinned women making love to you and considering you “masculine” and “heroic” and all that typical cis-het male thing.
Casteism: Tamil Nadu’s politics has for long been caste-based. On the one side, there are the so-called upper-castes, and on the other side, there are the so-called anti-caste people, either people from oppressed castes or their so-called allies. But still, with so- many turns of the so-called anti-caste parties leading, still casteism is very much the norm in the state. Caste-based crime, oppression, denial of casteism, honor killing, so-called “love marriages” based on caste, and quietly passing on casteism from generation to generation are all daily practices in Tamil Nadu. It’s pure pretension when most of these “anti-caste” people would tell you that they themselves are not casteist. Also, even if someone is really not casteist, they would consider themselves as “progressive” people. I thought not being oppressive only means you are a normal, ethical person?! Oh! These people love to boast!
These men LOVE to sexualize and objectify women! “Jokes” on movies, “jokes” exchanged in classrooms in schools and colleges and at the workplace, romantic “poetry” about love and women, all these often involve objectifying women. These men very well know that, yet none of these men would care — and that’s why the article is titled the way it is. “How slim her waist looks”, “how large her breasts look”, “watch her hips as she walks by”, all this is pretty common, and what do “Dravidain” men who call themselves “progressive” do about this? Either they themselves engage in all this and entertain these ideas (once again, justifying that with the “men will be men” line), or they do nothing about it because why need they care? Heroes do love hot figures, eh? Shameless these Tamil men are!
Women Never Speak Up: People want to believe that it is a progressive state, and in many ways, it has been the motherland of many rebels, yes, but is the state really progressive. If you said yes, you are either ignorant or you are lying. As a feminist myself, what do I want for all my fellow women? Freedom. Complete freedom from patriarchy. But I can confidently tell you that most Tamilian women don’t have the courage to speak up at all. And I’m talking particularly about the educated women. No, these women are happy as long as they are given breadcrumbs of respect. They are more than happy to accept male chauvinism and sadly, it does not even occur to these women to question if what they experience is either love or control. Most of these women can’t differentiate between love and control, and barely have any sense of self-respect. They try to tick every box there is to please men in their families and men within their community. No matter how educated these women are and how much they earn, in most families, men, very proudly so, won’t even wash their own plates — it is always the “duty” of women to do these chores.
The blockbuster Tamil movie “Padaiyappa” is a classic example of how patriarchal the average Tamilian is. For ages now, we have seen so many stories where a man compelling a woman to fall in love with him would be lauded as “romance”, but a woman forcing a man to accept her love is unimaginable for these men. Basically, an assertive, confident woman is portrayed as a bitch and to justify this patriarchal take, they vilify the woman. And what does the average Tamil man want? A subservient woman, as the movie display: a shy, “homely” woman who would always be happily under the control of the husband, making him feel “masculine”.
Lyrics of Songs and Movies Will Always Portray Men as “Heroic” and Women as “Beautiful”, but Courageous, Rebellious Acts by Women? Even the most ‘progressive’ Tamil man would rather have a heart attack than watch a woman being powerful. For centuries, women have been compelled and forced to be “homely” and they would be threatened, shamed, and insulted if they would display even the slightest act of refusing to abide by these patriarchal norms. And that’s exactly how these men like it: this way, there is little to no difference between the “educated men” and the “uneducated men” of Tamil Nadu.
There was this Tamil movie released in 2018, a movie called “Naachiyaar”. The plot of this movie is about a powerful, courageous female cop who would do anything for justice and a complicated case she deals with. Basically, in this movie, imagine the typical cop movie story line; only the male and female roles are reversed. A woman plays the tough, uncompromising cop committed to justice and her husband plays the role of a gynecologist — a role that is vastly seen as acceptable only for women. Usually, it’s the father’s (hero’s) sentiments that we’d see all the time, but here, the focus is on a mother’s sentiments — how her job and career values come in the way of her family time and how she struggles to keep her daughter happy. I love this movie! Conveniently, not one active movie reviewer acknowledged this movie, let alone praise or welcome this change. The average Tamilian is so used to “heroism” that he/she simply can’t digest the idea of a woman being powerful! Jothika is one of the best actresses the Tamil movie industry has seen. You could call her the Sandra Bullock of TN. She can play any role naturally, something that most other south-Indian actresses can’t do. But at the end of the day, she is just an “actress”, not an “actor”, you see. That takes us to the next point.
In Tamil (Indian) movies, men never age, but women become “aunties” in their mid-30s: Every Tamilian knows what I am talking about. Acting is a career that is promising only for men because entertainment in Tamil Nadu is made for men, by men, to please men. I repeat, these men are shameless.
“Because you are a woman, you should …”: Which Tamil woman has not heard of this line? How many Tamil women do not say this to other Tamil women? Internalized misogyny is a daily thing in most Tamil families. And we all know how internalized misogyny works. If you don’t know, let me explain with an analogy. Imagine lab researchers working with lab rats put in cages. Those lab rats that “behave well” would be rewarded with food or snacks, and those lab rats that “do not behave well” will be punished. In a patriarchal society, men have the power that the lab researchers have and women are compelled to “behave” the way these men want women to. When they see other women being abused and harassed, it causes fear in them. When they are given little rewards for “behaving well”, it makes them feel like queens sitting on a throne. The fear and the little rewards, when put together, make these women live by patriarchal rules and to also preach the same rules to other women, including their own daughters.
“Men will be men”: This is classic patriarchy — the shameless excuse men give to justify unacceptable behavior. In Tamil movies and books and drama, we can see this idea being repeatedly reinforced. The crime rate against women has always been high, and this mindset “men will be men” plays a major role in gender-based crime. Again, when we say “crime rate”, we are talking about the crime that gets reported. What about the oppression women face everyday?
“We respect women and treat them like family!” This is another line you would here from Tamilian men. “How dare you blame us! We are not like those men (men from other states or regions). Here, we treat women the way we would treat our own family members, with utmost respect!” Well, the problem is that you don’t treat your own family with respect, right? You oppress women in your family. You control women in your family. You don’t do any household work ever. Women are supposed to take care of all the domestic work. Women are supposed to be primary caregivers for the elderly and ailing in any family. Women barely get any rest, let alone some time alone! This is not something to be proud of — this is patriarchy. This is what you do to your family, and you think, similarly, you can control all the women, everywhere you go. No, you can’t.
Political leaders who call themselves “progressive” openly support men accused of sexual harassment. These people pretend that they practice Periyarist values and Ambedkarite values, but anyone honest would be able to see that neither Periyar nor Ambedkar would have ever supported a rapist. Nobody, no “left” media would ask why the VCK leader or DMK leader would share the stage with Vairamuthu around election campaigns — if anything is acceptable for political values, then how are you different from those you blame? On the one hand, you have the conservative Tamil community, and conservatives anywhere in he world are patriarchal, yes. On the other hand, we have this so-called “secular” or “left liberal” or “socialist” community that supports and defends abusive men, encouraging other abusive men, giving women the impression that the only way women can protect themselves is by “covering up” and staying at home! Wah! Very progressive.
A vast majority of these women don’t even know what “marital rape” means. How sad is that! Once again, I’m talking about the “educated women”. They don’t know how to tell their partners “no”.
Thankfully, a vast majority of Tamilians are secular; not Islamophobic or anti-Christian. Muslims and Christians are accepted almost everywhere. There are non-Hindu scholars who are contributors to Tamil literature, too. Irrespective of religion, people are warmly welcomed and treated with the respect they deserve in most fields. And rape rates are relatively lower compared to some other Indian states. Chennai could still be regarded as one of the safest metro cities for women. But neither of these facts means that Tamil Nadu is a “progressive” state! Chennai is “safe”, alright, but how “free” are women and queers in Chennai? Oppressed is the word.
To conclude, for anyone reading this,
If you can’t and won’t call out patriarchy within your own community, you have absolutely no right to mock or shame or find fault with other communities and other people.
“I measure the progress of a community by the degree of progress which women have achieved.” — Dr. B. R. Ambedkar
