Playfully Introducing Polyamory
This is a discussion I had with my “inner voice”, and yeah, luckily, the inner voice (which we will call “IV”) shares my sense of humour, so we had some innocent laughs over this.
IV: So why are you nervously pacing up and down???
Me: Because it feels like I’m crushing on 7–9 guys at one go!
IV: Hey, that’s always been your normal! You always crush on tens of different dudes at once.
Me: No, this time, these guys are all not celebrities or fictional, not Ryan Reynolds, The Flash, and such, but real, actual guys.
IV: What? 7–9 REAL, ACTUAL guys???
Me: Yeah!!! See, now you are freezing, too!
IV: Wait, I need to drink some water!
IV: <drinks a bottle of water>
IV: But how did you manage to find these many real-life guys to crush on? Usually, you don’t find even one guy of your kind!
Me: Well, they are vegan, atheist/agnostic, pro-science, anti-religion, anti-fascist, anti-casteist, anti-racist, read a LOT, communicative, ethical, can play good music, are kind, supportive, and understanding, they actually listen, they are feminist, they value mental health and are open to therapy, they are childfree, are romantic, understand that relationships are about giving and taking, they are open to change, …
IV: What??? All of them are all of these??? That’s IMPOSSIB-
Me: No, no, not all of them are all of these, and that’s why …
IV: But you have been monogamous all your life; you can love only one person at a time! What happened?
Me: A stupid person introduced me to polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and such! And you know me, I was always open to the idea of an open marriage!
IV: Is that “stupid person” a cis-het male you used to have a crush on?
Me: Yes. 😔
IV: I should have known. 😑So is this person saying they want to partner with you?
Me: I wish I knew the answer. May be, may not be! He did not make that clear.
IV: Ah! Bad, poor communication is such a turn-off. Are communication problems common in polyamory?
Me: From what I know, be it monogamy or polyamory, communication problems are some of the most common problems in relationships, and it’s up to people, individuals to learn to communicate better. And just like how your partner in a monogamy can be toxic and/or have some differences with you, so can your polyamorous partners be.
IV: But seriously? 7–9 guys? How would one have time for these many, when a week itself has only 7 days???
Me: I know, right? Is driving me crazy!
IV: So how would you divide your time or give enough to each one of these people in that case where they all like you back?
Me: That’s the part I can’t figure out!!!
IV: Should you go by whom you like how much?
Me: Umm … But that’s how human brains are designed, right? To seek the best rewards?
IV: What if they don’t reciprocate?
Me: That simply means they either can’t or they don’t want to.
IV: Would you then get back to being monogamous? That sounds a lot simpler!
Me: Not necessarily, there is nothing wrong with liking several people at a time! 🤷♀️
IV: And how do you plan to go about it? Tell every one of them that you like several other people, too? Wouldn’t that make things complicated? Maybe you can hide it -
Me: Well, just like you have in monogamous relationships, trust, respect, and honesty are important in ENM, too. That is why it’s called “ethical non-monogamy”, or it would just be “cheating”.
Me: Also, I don’t have to tell everyone right away, but as a good person, I must tell them when seeing them gets a little serious.
IV: What if they judge you?
Me: Ah! I don’t care about that! That’s not my problem; that is theirs.
IV: What if they get jealous?
Me: Again, I can’t do anything about that, right?
IV: Would you not get jealous?
Me: You know me, I am not exactly the jealous type — I just give people what they give me, in a little more exuberant, loud, and lively way.
IV: Are you sure you won’t feel jealous?
Me: What I am sure of is that I would certainly miss some of them sometimes, yeah, no doubt about that, but I need to remind myself that I don’t own anybody, and if they really wanted to be with me, they would make time for me somehow, or at least communicate how they feel.
IV: And what if they don’t make time for you and are always with others?
Me: That’s okay, that is probably their way of telling me that they don’t want to be with me. Not my loss, really! 😄
IV: You think you might get disappointed?
Me: Well, point no. 1, cis-het men are anyway disappointing, and point no. 2, disappointments can happen very well in monogamy, too.
IV: Valid point, okay.
Me: So are you seriously interested in all of them or are you only crushing on them?
IV: I honestly don’t know. Only time will tell!
IV: So are you willing to take the risk?
Me: I suppose I am! <gulp!>
IV: So the problem now is?
Me: 7–9 men!!!
IV: That is a big number, I must admit! I’m already having a headache!
Me: I know, right? 😰
IV: Are they all cute?
Me: In one way or another, yes! 😶
IV: Would you maybe want some vodka?
Me: No, that’s unhealthy!
IV: Hmm … Is it raining outside?
Me: Yes! 😍
IV: Look at the street. Whom would you want to walk with on that street, hand-in-hand?
Me: 🥰 Madhavan 🥰
IV: It always boils down to Madhavan with you, right? 😅
Me: <blushing> Yeah, I suppose it always does! 💖
IV: There, problem solved! Listen to Vaseegara on loop mode. Life is easy; don’t complicate it unnecessarily. You can think about all this when you feel better, less confused, and clearer. For now, just enjoy the moment. 😇
Me: Thank you, love you much! 🤗 You are right, music and Maddy are the answer to almost every problem in life!
