“Sitting with” — a poem — Day 40 of 40 Days of Listening
Day 40 — Love is sitting with you through this
Tomorrow is Easter.
In the Christian tradition, many mark the time between Good Friday (a day of remembrance of Jesus’ crucifixion and death) and Easter morning by holding vigil. By staying awake. Keeping watch. Sitting.
In the Bible stories, it is women who keep this watch, and particularly Mary Magdalene. From the time Jesus is nailed to the cross, to his burial, and for the hours and days that follow, Mary sits. Staying awake. Keeping watch.
Cynthia Bourgeault, an Episcopal priest and faculty member with the Center for Action and Contemplation, has deeply studied Mary Magdalene*, including the ancient gospel attributed to her, the Gospel of Mary Magdalene. Bourgeault suggests an interesting interpretation of Mary’s keeping watch. She postulates that Mary, engaging spiritual practices taught to her by Jesus, may have had a vision in which she bore witness to the journey of Jesus’ soul after his physical death. A journey in which, in the Christian tradition, Christ “reconciles all things to himself” or sets the trajectory for a cosmic evolution into love.
Maybe some would say Cynthia and I are a little woo-woo, but I dig what she suggests. (Seriously, read her books!) I dig it because not only is it a story of the divine embracing the entirety of the human experience (aka “incarnation) even to the point of dying a torturous death. But it’s a story in which a human ministers to the divine. I love the idea of Mary, as a living human in contemplation, sitting with (providing this ministry of presence to) the soul of a physically dead Jesus as it navigates death’s mysteries and loosens its power.
“With” is the word.
“Not alone” is another way to say it.
Not even in death.
Not even if you’re divine.
It’s this story of beautiful loving union.
I don’t know what you think about life and all its mysteries. I don’t know whether spiritual language vibes with you or not. But I do know, in my experiences of suffering and joy, confusion and discovery, life and death, I do not wish to be alone. I want to know love. I want to know I’m loved. I want others to know I love them.
I pray you know love is sitting with you in whatever it is you’re experiencing in this wilderness of pandemic.
I pray you’d know it’s true because you experience that love in real flesh, blood, and spirit — community — caring for you, listening to you, affirming your struggle, laughing with you, crying with you, supporting you.
All of it… with you.
“Sitting with”
I am learning to sit
I am learning to sit with
I am learning to sit
with my friend who is diabetic
dependent upon public transit + afraid
of exposure + increased pharmaceutical prices
I am learning to sit with him
even as I cannot sit with him
I am learning to sit
with powerlessness
in acceptance
+ in the tension that comes with discerning
the question
of who to be
in action + in rest
I am learning to sit
as my blood surges
+ my anger + grief + anxiety
would seek some form of relief –
manifesting
as gritted-teethed reprimands of a five year-old for being… a five year-old
as mindless coordinated effort of eyes + thumb, opening the app again + scrolling the feed
as blame or binge or blah
I am learning to sit
with security + insecurity
+ the reality + the illusion
of it all
I am learning to sit
with joy + guilt
I am learning to sit
with visions of what’s possible
and the pessimism of a dying + afraid
system
I am learning to sit with
and hear bird song
and smell earth after rain
*Check out Bourgeault’s work “The Meaning of Mary Magdalene: Discovering the Woman at the Heart of Christianity” & “The Luminous Gospels: Thomas, Mary Magdalene, and Phillip” co-authored with Lynn and Ward Bauman.
