Winter Solstice, Krampus and the Son of God: An Apology to My Four-Year-Old Daughter
Etta, I’m sorry.
A few weeks back, around Saint Nicholas Day, I told you about the Krampus. That half goat, half demon who travels with St. Nick and scolds the “naughty” kids. I think it’s a cool story, especially when I think of some of our ancestors — maybe the ones from Slovakia — telling that tale centuries ago. Regardless, I could tell the story scared you, so I assured you it wasn’t real, and we stopped talking about it.
But then last week, in a moment of weakness and frustration, I played the Krampus card again. I don’t remember exactly what happened. I just remember putting your brother down for a nap and wanting you to quietly get dressed or clean up your room or something. I probably was pretty distracted that morning, and you probably were just wanting some quality time. I not giving you my attention led to some yelling and protest. And that’s when I got desperate and mentioned (or maybe became) Krampus. I did it to scare you into compliance (that word means doing what I tell you to do). That’s not how I want to be a dad for you. I don’t want to scare or threaten you, and I’m sorry. There are better stories about how life works that we can believe and tell each other, stories that aren’t about monsters who want to punish us.
Today is the Winter Solstice. This is a really cool day, when the earth’s northern half (the Northern Hemisphere) is pointed furthest away from the Sun. It’s the day when we experience the shortest day and longest night. Our ancestors and people from all sorts of cultures have been marking this day, telling stories of ending and beginnings and of the cycles of life for thousands of years.
You know, back before there were refrigerators and grocery stores, people who lived in climates like we do in Minnesota — like our ancestors from Sweden and Norway — they could have some pretty long winters. Sometimes they would run low on food in February and March. You can’t grow a garden when the ground is still frozen. So at Solstice time, they would butcher much of livestock (think farm animals) because they wouldn’t be able to feed them through winter. They turned Solstice into a last big feast before the “famine months” of winter. It was a big celebration, but one that also recognized that life can be a struggle. Can you imagine not having food to eat?
Some cultures, at Solstice, would offer sacrifices (that is when you give something of yours up, often in order to get something in return). Many believed in gods who controlled things like the sun and the earth, and if you didn’t behave they might punish you (kind of like Krampus). Maybe they’d make winter extra cold and long. So people would sacrifice sheep or horses (sometimes even people) to the gods to keep them happy.
One of the stories that started getting told around the Solstice time was the story Jesus’ birth, Christmas. We don’t know the day Jesus was really born, but early Christians had these stories about Mary and angels, and shepherds and wise-men, and they started celebrating Jesus’ birth when a lot of the cultures around them were celebrating and telling stories of endings and new beginnings. And I think it was a good choice. Not because I think it’s his actual birth date (I don’t think that really matters), but because I think some of the Solstice stories make the Jesus one even better.
Now, some people talk about Jesus as “the lamb of God.” They say he was a sacrifice to save us from God who will punish us when we’re naughty. I believed that story for a while, but now I’m realizing that’s a “Krampus” story. I don’t believe that way anymore. The more I learn about Jesus and the people he lived with, the more I’m realizing that his story wasn’t about saving us from punishment. It was about helping us to recognize that life can be a struggle sometimes, and we don’t have to struggle alone.
Did you know Jesus and his parents were refugees? They were caravanning to safety in Egypt because there were powerful people in their home country who wanted to kill them. Mary, Joseph and Jesus didn’t deserve to be threatened, but sometimes people who are powerful use power in unhealthy and anxious ways. They sometimes do mean things to people because they’re afraid, and they try to cling to control by any means necessary.
Jesus grew up in a time when lots of people lived in fear of being punished — either by the people who led their religion (they got to decide who were “good” people and who were “bad” people — and they weren’t always fair or considerate) or by their government. The government was called Rome. They had an Emperor who was called Caesar. He said he was the “Son of God.” And he used an army to force people into complying with his and his people’s rules. If you did something they didn’t like, they might throw you in prison, or hurt, even kill you. But Jesus told a different story.
He often spent time with people that were labeled the “naughty” ones. He met them with love and listened to their stories. He even listened to the anxious powerful people and heard about how their fear was separating them from their families and community. He heard people’s struggles. He showed them love and understanding. He told a story about a God, or the Source and Energy in all the universe, that wasn’t about an angry and punishing power, but a story full of love. Jesus said we were all connected, and that we were all like beloved children to that God. Maybe you could think of God like Grandma La La, and how she loves you. Jesus said that is what God is like. And Jesus said that our lives can be about loving other people like that. That kind of love isn’t anything like the Krampus. It’s a love that casts out all fear.
So, telling the Christmas story at Solstice time can be a reminder that we’re not alone in our struggle. Life can just be hard sometimes — like winter, up north before grocery stores, , or when you’ve had to leave your home because of violence, or like when your daddy gets too busy and doesn’t pay attention to you. Telling the Jesus birth story can remind us to make room to listen to people — to hear where they may be struggling and to show them love in the midst of it.
So here is my story for you. It’s that you are my beloved child. And no matter what you do, I will always hold love for you in my heart. And another story about me and you is that we will have struggles in life. Sometimes those struggles make us afraid, and we can act in ways that are not very loving. We’re not perfect, and we don’t have to be. What we can do is when we’re struggling, we can practice extra patience and grace for each other. That’s when we can take a deep breath and listen to each other, using our words. We can tell each other what’s really going on. Like maybe you get sad sometimes because I haven’t played with you for a while. Or maybe I am stressed out because I didn’t get much sleep, and I’m busy working or something. When we take the time to listen to each other, then we begin to understand each other. We can then make a plan for how we get to move forward and care for each other even when we’re struggling. Like, maybe we could track down some straw and make a Yule goat — the Julbocken. Or maybe we could go to a Solstice fire tonight. We could burn up our stories of being a Krampus-like daddy, and set intentions to be loving to each other and all creatures in our lives in the coming year.
I love you, kid. Thanks for forgiving me about the Krampus thing. Next time, I’ll choose the Mary Poppins route. I’ll try a “spoonful of sugar” with a big hug and a listening heart.
Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas!
Love,
Dad
