My iPhone Is Killing Me

I’m an iPhone addict and I think it may be killing me.

I think I might be going blind because my iPhone has taken control over my life. Complete control.

I notice that when I try to focus on faraway objects, like trees in the distance, my eyes cannot do it. I know I’ve been doing this to myself because I do most of my reading on my iPhone. Last night I woke up at 4:15 am, grabbed my iPhone and began reading articles on Medium in a totally dark room. An hour later, with my info fix satiated, I put my phone down and resumed sleeping. The urge to consume information is just too great. I cannot control my urge to learn and I see no possible substitution for it. If it was just a social media addiction, I would understand how to replace it. But information addiction is an entirely different beast.

I’m in denial about how bad it’s gotten. But my vision and brain tell me the real story. I recently had to quit my driving job for two reasons: I was using my smartphone while driving and I knew it was getting dangerous. Part of the problem was that I had to have my iPhone open because I used Google maps to get me everywhere. I couldn’t do my job without it. I have a terrible sense of direction.

With my phone being constantly on and in sight, the temptation just became too great. I started out using my iPhone when I stopped at traffic lights, then after that, I began using it on long stretches of boring highway. After I successfully was able to do these things, I began using it in all kinds of driving situations. I even went so far as to read Medium articles while driving. I knew it was stupid to do this, but I just couldn’t stop myself. It got worse and worse until I finally realized I was really putting my life at risk. My solution was to quit my job. The other thing that solidified this move was the fact that my right hip joint couldn’t take the grinding action of pressing on the gas and brake pedals anymore for nine hours solid.

Unlike a lot of people, I don’t use my iPhone to look at porn (well maybe a tiny bit on Twitter, but this is actually a rare occurrence), browse through Tinder profiles, or instant FB message new crushes. I use it to constantly feed my brain with new information, write, answer questions I have on a constant basis and create photo collages. I don’t think I could live one day without using my photo editing app, Enlight. I’ve done photography my whole life and now with my iPhone I can quickly create anything I want.

Also, my new job as a freelance writer requires that I constantly learn new information about a variety of fields: artificial intelligence, science, astronomy, physics, robotics, chemistry, technology, business, software, etc. Several weeks ago I had set about trying to decipher the more arcane inventions of Nikola Tesla. His anti-gravity flying machine was of particular interest to me. I began trying to find out if any researchers were trying to recreate his invention. The only reason I stopped this endeavor is because I don’t have a constant stream of income flowing towards me and still I am pimping my energies in return for money.

As a teenager, I used to read encyclopedias and dictionaries for fun. I’m in no way very smart but I do love to learn and think. I’m addicted to novelty, as well. I get very excited when I learn something new.

Now, I want to pause here. It was only 4 years ago when I did not own a smartphone. I delayed the adoption of smartphone technology because I feared I would become a full-blown addict. My fears have become fully realized now in 2016.

In 2012, I remember clearly thinking that people had lost their minds in their phones. Wherever I walked, I noticed that I was the only one who was truly present in the experience. I felt so disturbed by the over-saturation of smartphones, that I made a covert video documenting people who were wrapped up in their smartphones. I chose to make my video at Sea Life, an entertainment destination, where people wouldn’t notice me secretly filming them. Here’s the video I made when I didn’t own a smartphone and I thought everyone who did was absolutely crazy:

Now, fast forward 4 years, and I arrive in my current life with my smartphone completely controlling my brain. How did this happen? How could I have created that very observational video about smartphones and then let a smartphone take over my brain? How is this even possible? I feel cursed, actually, that I am aware of my addiction but am powerless to do anything about it. I’ve tried little experiments here and there, by limiting myself, etc. Nothing really works.

I have had to go through this process before, because I used to be an alcoholic. I managed to find good replacements for my drinking habit, but this addiction feels really different for one basic reason: I prefer the company of information to the company of people.

I cannot see a good replacement for my information addiction. I have reduced my Facebook time to about 30 minutes per day and I still check emails throughout the day, but I spend a large amount of time every day reading articles and writing. I know it’s too much time but now that I’m a paid writer, my income is wrapped up in my screen time.

Every time I think about going for a walk or to the gym, I start to feel an emptiness, a giant void. Even the idea of getting drunk is not appealing on any level.

Part of the reason I’m now gorging on information is that for the past 5 years, I spent a great deal of time either working at jobs where my information consumption was limited or taking care of a child. I feel like I’ve missed out on all the things going on behind the scenes in various fields. I’m playing catch-up, big time.

I know my iPhone addiction has to be cured. I’m smack in the middle of the addiction, and I cannot see any feasible way out. The only reason I know I need to do something about it is because my eyes constantly hurt and are stressed out.

I hope I look back at this time and evolve out of it. Will I have to become blind before I “see the light”?

Right now I’m reading amazing stories by Sean Howard.