“(Some) Drugs Are Bad, Mmmkay?” | Meme Exploder

A humor column. Don’t overthink it.

Meme of the Week:

When asked about making health choices for one’s children, the great poet and pharmacological expert David “Avocado” Wolfe, once said:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one with marijuana and smoothies,
And that has made all the difference.”

Just kidding, David Wolfe didn’t say that, and he has no relevant educational experience or qualifications, but he does have a vegetable and an animal in his name, so let’s pretend to care what he thinks.
Why not, ya know?
(Side note: Avocados are technically a large berry. You’re welcome)

HITS:

• David “Avocado” Wolfe is a raw food and alternative medicine advocate, as well as a public speaker, spokesman for the NutriBullet, and author of several lifestyle books, including non-peer-reviewed masterwork, Amazing Grace: The Nine Principles of Living in Natural Magic. He has no background in biology or nutrition, and his self-applied middle name, in case you haven’t heard, is “Avocado.” (Did somebody challenge him on avocados once? “Avocados? Avocado is my middle name.”) Oh, and did I mention he’s a flat-earther, gravity-denier, and anti-vaxxer? (Just look at the sources he cites on his website. Come on. Really?)
• A balanced, healthy diet is important.
• There is a growing body of research on the medicinal benefits of cannabis for patients with certain chronic pain issues or glaucoma, but in preliminary trials, marijuana has had limited success in treating cancer. Bummer, dude.
• The pharmaceutical industry is highly controversial both for its business tactics and its lobbying. Prescription drugs can be abused, the industry has massive governmental influence, and contender for Most Punchable Face Ever, Martin Shkreli, exists (second only to reigning champion Richard Spencer, of course).

MISSES:

• Gravity is real.
• The Earth is a sphere. Mostly. Okay, but it isn’t flat; we know that much.
• Pharmaceutical drugs can be very effective at mitigating a variety of health issues, and vaccinations have helped increase average life expectancy in the US alone by around 50% over the past hundred years.
• Speaking of 100 years ago (ish), the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918 killed 20–50 million people because we did not yet have the wisdom of David “Avocado” Wolfe telling us to have a Granny Smith and some hempseed oil. Whoops, I meant to type “the flu vaccine.”
• I can only speak for myself, but if my child’s life is on the line, my first thought isn’t going to be to consult somebody who looks like the “Aliens” meme guy’s chakra-aligner. I’m going to the hospital, where my kid can contract a staph infection and be denied coverage like a normal child.
• Why are these options mutually exclusive? They aren’t, but I’ll tell you why he says they are. Because just like his arch-nemesis, “Big Pharma,” David Wolfe also has a vested interest in selling you products, only his come in the form of memes on Facebook and paperbacks on Amazon.

CONCLUSION:

Look, you made me actually type out that gravity is real and that the Earth is a sphere. Eat your vegetables and be careful with prescription drugs and the companies that make them, but please, I beg you, do not feed the hucksters.

Don’t believe me? Look it up. You’re already on the internet, anyways.