My Personal Journal: 07–12–20 (Monday) — First Day Doing My Write An Entry A Day For Your Journal to be Updated to Date
Journal for Monday, December 7th, 2020
You can go the general Content Index by clicking here.
Introduction to An Entry A Day to keep your Journal Updated to Date Writing #Challenge
The following text pretends to narrate and expose the happenings of the aforementioned date from the perspective of the author:
SOME WORDS from the AUTHOR (ME 😊): For starters, I don’t have any clue about how anyone (or in this case me, for instance) should, could or would try to write a journal, but the idea of starting to do it has what I believe would be totally valid to call roots.
- As an example, just to mention one, I’ve had this weird urge and feeling, maybe could also be considered a need or will to Write And/Or Record My Personal thoughts and beliefs, or at least, my personal reflections, without caring much about the time of the day in which they were actually written, but mostly to just get started to setting up a chronological beginning frame so I could start and just keep going.
So, since most of what I will be expressing and leaving here as written content will be written as raw text in what I assume is an html file, I wanted to clarify some things in respect of the time and format in which this is written.
Many times, as I’m sure you’re aware of, people will just go by and not even feel unnoticed by these type of posts or content out and put in online media, let alone in text format, so I think I could be periodically editing many (or some) of the entries that are done along in this diary or “journal” I’ve come to make.
- Specially since I want to strengthen the fact that I want to do this as a record or chronological frame made up of smaller chronological frames to keep whatever goes through my mind safe and well kept, as it is stated in the previous text I posted in this very website (Medium) in which I introduced, proposed and argues what and why and some of what I wanted to accomplish.
Considering this being my first post to actually be part of the diary, I just wanted to contrast a little bit more harder, just in case no-one gets it already: this is written maybe by Jose Zepeda but the thoughts and the information here depicted as daily information or what could be perceived as “journal entries” are not completely attributable to the reality surrounding him or him entirely, since the persona, (Whom’s point of view this whole thing is gonna be taken from) was created by him as a pseudonym or himself, not as a complete statement of being himself, as in, when referring to me as his invention or creation or as being his pseudonym, would like to clarify it as our sharing of some aspects regards ourselves and our personalities and natures, not as us being completely equal. Below a depiction of both of us, during 2019’s December.
- Anyhow, I’m going to take a brief break here to think a little bit into all what has happened today so I know in what I want to focus on and what should I add next. I will put the “three big dots” stuff after this paragraph in order for them to mark the ending of this section of the entry and differentiate it from the entry itself (these being just a few words of the author prior opening himself such… differently as how he [me] is used to).
(If you already have reached up to this point and there’s nothing else, wait a few minutes until the rest of the entry is finished, shouldn’t take more than a couple hours)
- Also, forgot to mention: I WILL DO MY BEST or at least TRY MY HARDEST so that most entries have at least one picture, one video and one screenshot from the day so you can get more into my context. (Consider that “picture” doesn’t mean “photo”, and “video” doesn’t mean “produced” or “from a studio”, as well as “screenshot” doesn’t mean “PRIVATE”).
ONE LAST BIT BEFORE BEGINNING: #Context:
- Male. 25. Libra. Buddhist (trying my best to acquire customs and become one completely) . Mexican. From Culiacan, Sinaloa. Surrounded by, well… if you need pictures look it up on google, otherwise take a peak and look inside my perspective 😉
My mind was amazingly strong.
At least that’s what I’ve kept myself thinking during the past few days, and, hoping it hadn’t even come to your mind as a brag, I say it in the bad way: not even me was able to control it.
Nor it’s thoughts, nor the direction of them, not even their shape or anything, as in, up to this day, and during the past few weeks and months, I’ve had to face and deal with some of the most self hurting thoughts that have come to my face in a very, very long time.
I decide to open this by quoting myself since, as I may have previously stated, I don’t even have a clue to how is this sort of thing even started, so, instead of putting a dialogue as if I was saying some lame-ass gibberish, I chose to quote it to try and give that phrase a small “bigger” meaning.
Also I’m pretty unsure of what type of language or word usage must my content have, since I both started this as a self-put mind-exercise, therefore not finding myself sure enough as to what scope of audience this will or would eventually reach.
Anyway, I’ll put this as a pair of points in regards of language use:
- I will use words as strong as fuck and bitch, but will try my best to force myself not into doing so, with the challenge of using up to one of each at most for this and my following entries.
- I will try my best not to use wrongful or bad-sounded vocabulary as most as I can.
Moving on with my day, well, as I was previously stating, my mind is amazingly powerful. And not in a Good-Sense-Just-Bragging way, but more in a Whatever-I-Say-You-Feel, Whatever-I-Say-You-Think, Whatever-I-Say-You-Experience type of ways.
If you were hoping on learning about why and what made me start writing this in the first place, well, your hopes will only be solved if you go to the post before this one, since I don’t Pretend to say anything in regards of that.
Some (maybe not so useful) Extra Information
Continuing: well, as you should now be able to see, or at least infer through my writing, my ideas are constantly changing and going from one place to another without an specific line or definite train of thoughts.
And you wouldn’t even believe how incredibly difficult it is to write or get myself to get deeper into them even though and even through a persona: it seems as if some part of myself wouldn’t like to or completely dislikes to have them in my main frame of view, or in my main “state of mind”.
Funny thing about that three-worded phrase is that I don’t even know what it means, I just think it’s dope since I first heard and read it when Jay-Z launched his song with Alicia Keys “Empire State of Mind”.
Yeah, I’m unsure wether it was ‘09 or 2010, whenever it was I think it was the only time I’ve ever read it’s meaning (which could partly prove my not-remembering it).
So, well, whatever it is the case, I hope this is the true meaning of it since I’m a bit unwilling to check it out (being 3am when I’m just writing this from my phone).
So, by my mind being amazingly powerful in the way I intended to, I wanted to state that it being so powerful makes it difficult for me to commit to stuff or to projects or to ideas. That being said, well, it’s not been such a good combo with depression on the side.
Therefore, by using few of the things I mentioned and basing ourselves in them, we can infer some stuff:
- It is really difficult to commit and therefore to “successfully” finish (and sometimes even partially) one or more projects for someone who has depression (at least in the grade I do).
- My mind being strong, together with my depression, puts me in an unsuitable or unfavorable spot both in my generation socially speaking and also in the overall depiction of my gender (since I’m short and technically unattractive, or well, that’s what I believe from self opinion but have also been trying to change into better).
- Maybe I’m a person who starts many projects and never finishes anything.
Well, at least with this project, if done and worked on the way I intend to, me stopping would mean I died. Shocking, right?
Well, so, I don’t Know. I think I’ll go to the toilet and then keep chitchatting a bit, “getting deeper” and see what “comes out”.
How and Why Will This Be a Challenge for Me?
Now that I’m back ! I decided I would include three main things, or more accordingly, an overall pool of 6 things my posts or entries (at least the ones that count as Journal entries) must have:
- A picture taken during that day and to give literal context to it.
- A video taken during that day and to give literal context to it.
- Something handwritten or drew on paper that I made during that day.
- Three things I learned that day.
- One thing that bothered me the most during that day and a brief explaining of why it made me feel that way.
- One thing that made me feel the most thankful for during that day.
- One thing that I felt the happiest for during that day.
- One brief story or explanation about Someone I forgave and let go out of my life peacefully that I now feel good about.
- One or more reasons why I couldn’t let go or couldn’t Get myself to let go off someone before or currently.
So, this time, without keeping you away for longer from my “Journal”, I will be adding a brief Index of Content at the beginning of each of my Journals’ entries where I will make sure I tag and divide the rest of my entry following the small Breakdown I will define briefly.
Breakdown of how I will be organizing indexes inside or that contain an entries’ information:
- Intro. Small paragraph to review about the things put the day before and to contextualize lightly about current day to-be-done entry.
- Breakdown of the points to be dealt with from the three things that I narrate out of the 9 things pool I Mentioned before
- Conclusion of the day.
- References.
- Off-topic / free writing.
*All 5 points will be divided and segmented and its position will be linked depending on the content and stuff they’ve got, number 2 will only be valid if I explicitly accept or deny the veracity of the points expressed prior starting to express them or narrate them. Where veracity confirmed would mean #NonFiction Content and Veracity denied or having not said anything about it would mean #Fiction Content (or a more #LikelyFiction type of entry).
Again, before I begin, folks, I’m going to make up the Context Index for this day I’m still writing about:
This Entry’s Index of Content
07 / 12 / 2020
- Introduction
- Gibberish
- Final decision taken to considerate content I wrote as “content”.
- Index of Content.
- Comment made by both my parents — part 1: mom (one thing that I felt the most bothered for / annoyed for)
- My package of rolling papers’ cover picture. (One picture that I took during that day and given context)
- My Drawing of the Buddha “Serenidad” (Something handwritten or made by hand and given context to during that day)
- Conclussion
- Off-topic
Comment Made to Me By My Mum that Tried to Bring Me Down In My Head All Day Long (Part 1) 🗣
Presenting our section of things that made me feel the most bothered or annoyed about, here, I present to you:
“IF YOU don’t stop complaining and feeling bad, IM GONNA CALL THE DOCTOR”
Excuse me but what the absolutely biggest existing fuck do you mean ?
There it’s gone, folks: our only accepted and permitted fuck (at least the one we’re trying to commit ourselves not to multiply). It’s gone. Simple as that.
And I’ll elaborate in the context displayed this way:
I won’t dwell deep into it for the sake of the actual and final length of this story. It’s a thing I shall discuss during part 2, which I’ll be writing as an entry for December 8th since, even in this very moment, it bothers and annoys me the hell off in a way that just makes me angry.
Therefore, elaborating much on its context would only mean to make this article longer and since I’ve already taken much space it’s time I develop the rest of the points ! So the leftovers will be put on Part 2: dad.
The Cover of my Rolling Papers’ Pack Cover 🍃
A Green Leaf Outlined and Diminished in a Beautifully done Canvas of perhaps Imaginary Water
Well, this doesn’t need much context or clarification so I’m Just uploading the picture and will let you two guys alone so you have time to understand and to have a look at each other:
Well, the context for uploading it and the reason behind it is that I had previously uploaded it to Reddit.com and an user mentioned the image looks dope (which is a comment I pretty much agree with). Why did I show them the picture though? Kept as secret for now.
My Third Drawing of the Buddha “Serenidad”
A Rosé-Violet colored Sakyamuni Buddha cautiously drawn and colored in a common white sheet of paper… 💎
And to close this stuff with a ribbon made of gold!
Before showing you the image, I’m just going to tell you that I have a couple of months working in a collection or series of drawings/illustrations, which I call: “Colored Buddhas Series”.
Currently I have finished three pieces of the Series, and during this post I’ll upload the Third One, which I called “Serenidad” because of the feelings the coloring I put end up giving me.
Well, the context I plan to deliver it further in another article. For now, we’ll just leave it in “I like to draw Buddhas and to color them differently”. Yeah sounds nice.
My End-of-the-Day Conclussion
Well this is hard, compelling, difficult and uncertain, to say it in the least amount of adjectives I could find.
Hard to write because to be honest I hadn’t gone anywhere, as in, “I don’t have a conclussion” type of anywhere. For instance, I had my sleep disturbed and overwhelmed by the existence and sudden motivation I found here on medium moments after becoming Premium, with a wide world of possibilities opening before me, which I needed to struggle to fight now, for the most.
Compelling because it had me thinking for some hours, the question rising in my mind: What is my conclusion for today ? Thankfully, I’ve gotten deep into an answer and had found out my answer is that I am uncertain still, for my conclusion to make sense I need to live tomorrow.
At least for now that’s the answer, let’s see how it feels later when I develop this and last point further, instead of displaying a lot of annoying text with rules and details of stuff.
Free Writing
I’m unfortunately in no mood to add any free writing to this post, at least not more than the following simple passage:
Away on its way was the butterfly leaving, though pursuing the light would make her die a sinner.
I don’t know it just came to my mind 🤷🏻♂️ anyway, hope you have enjoyed this entry!
Here I’ll add some of my Social Media accounts for you guys to Join and Share (if you’d like to) any feedback criticism or opinion in regards of my doing :)
My Twitch: twitch.tv/ElKingDharmas
My Reddit: Reddit.com/user/ElKingDharmas
My Facebook: Facebook.com/alephlon
My Instagram: Instagram.com/josejzpadilla
My Wattpad: Wattpad.com/josejzpadilla
My LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/josejzpadilla
I’ll be waiting on whichever you find the most suitable ! Don’t hesitate to look for a conversation or talk! I’m always open to become better.
— aléph L.
