Not for me
I think about the love that surrounds me
I think about the love that people share
It astounds me
I think about the love that eludes me
And I think I understand…
I think about the love of those
who care for me
I think about the love of those
who attempt
to cater to me
and the falsehoods
promises broken
from the moment they’re spoken
from the first one said
years ago
to the one spoken
yesterday
They’re all the same
Why bother speaking
words never intended
to be kept
nevermind
held to
that higher standard?
I think about the love of those
who defer to me
False words to
avoid my temper
because they fear the wrath
that they have deservedly
engendered…
Foolish searches for temperance
when actions have
earned nothing but
the infinite ire
of one who desired
nothing more
than
honesty
never delivered.
And I think I understand…
I think about the love that I’ve witnessed
Watched it curling into the abysmis
Witnessed its defrauded, degrading, delusional
Implosion
Until finally
the soul that once was
a better version of
beautiful
becomes that
abandoned
misapprehended
misunderstanded
shell of ash
that will finally
collapse
uncomprehended
I’ve seen it all
I’ve watched it happen
I refuse to let it happen
Not to me
Not again.
I think about the love that surrounds me
I think about the love that is
shared around me
I think about the love that
eludes me
And I think I understand…
It’s not for me.
Never will be
So…
Take what I can get,
for my soul
needs the feeding
feels the needing
Take what I can get,
whatever that may be
Take what I can get,
because there’s nothing more
Not for me.
