Please Don’t Advise Me

When Sharing Feels Like Risking Correction Instead of Connection

Photo by Polina Shirokova on Unsplash

I used to think sharing my thoughts would be enough. But almost every time, it isn’t just listening I get — it’s advice I never asked for. And slowly, I realized that confiding can feel more like a risk than a relief.

The Weight of Unsolicited Advice

I used to think that confiding in people was simple. That spilling my thoughts, my doubts, my fleeting joys, or heavy mistakes would be met with a silent understanding — or at least gentle curiosity.

But too often, it isn’t silence. It isn’t curiosity. It’s advice.

I share, and almost instantly, the air thickens with solutions I never asked for, instructions I didn’t consent to, and corrections I didn’t seek. I can see the good intentions — they mean well — but intention does not erase impact. What I need in that moment isn’t a roadmap. It’s acknowledgment. Validation. Presence.

Confiding ≠ Asking for Guidance

Let me be clear: confiding is not the same as asking for guidance. There is a difference between being listened to and being fixed. Advice, no matter how “well-meaning,” can feel like a dismissal of what I am truly offering: my vulnerability.