An unspoken life of an introvert
Can you — my fellow introverts find yourself in this?
You live in your head most of the time, you don’t feel like sharing, you don’t want anybody to understand you. You build a wall to keep yourself distanced from other people. You just suffer in silence and celebrate good news with a hidden smile on your lips. Deep inside, you’re scared of your mind being read, you don’t want people to discover the little wonderful world you have in your head.
You choose a job that allows you to think and work independently so that you won’t have to small talk to people everyday — which will bore you to death.
Your mind is a dangerous place. It contains all the weirdest and wildest things nobody could ever think of you. It is a guilty pleasure to find yourself in that world where every single original thought is a bridge that brings you to a whole new idea. But your mind is where you keep all of the judgements, criticism, and ugly memories that will keep hunting you down whenever you’re weak.
Memories never go away and they are not always a treasure. The memories that make you decided to withdraw to a small cave where nobody sees you, nobody understands you. You start to freakout, you don’t want to go back to those days when you suffered in silence. You worked your ass off to be where you are today and you deserve a better life. You start looking for another cave where you can have your own little world.
You hate yourself for caring so deeply about who and what you love. You invested so much, naively expected so much that you created a wonderful world where you could be whoever you want to be, achieve whatever you aimed for. When things doesn’t go your way, you will be silently blaming yourself for being the most idiotic person in the world. You bite your tongue so that this pain will help you to forget the main reason why you get hurts. You told yourself to be tough, to stay calm and confident. Just keep hiding, nobody knows.
You look for a new solution because you want to live like a normal person. You find new friends, learn new skills, try new stuff. Strangely, you always come back to that small little world with both beautiful and ugly thoughts you’ve created. Because a crowd makes you sick, mentally and physically. Wherever you go, you just want to escape from that world, where you know to your heart it is not where you belong to.
You love reading books, they are like the thoughtful friends who can brings you to a different world with different perspectives. Only reading and staying alone, you can find yourself in this noisy world. When you read and think, millions of beautiful ideas run to your mind all at the same time.
You don’t feel even a little apologetic for avoiding people, just because they don’t belong to your world. You get sick of being people pleaser. The only one you need to please is yourself. If you are not happy, nothing else matters.
Come back to that cave, that’s where you belong to.
