How Introverts Can Overcome The Fear Of Authority Figures At Work
You know the moment.
The Managing Director decides to do a floor walk, stopping randomly to chat and say hi. Eyes down and permanently fixed to your screen, your thinking “please don’t stop”.
The CEO pops up unexpectedly on a conference call and suddenly everything you were going to say has vanished. You manage to utter a few incoherent words and now she thinks you’re a moron.
Or worse! One of the senior executives jumps into the lift. It’s just you and them, and suddenly your throat runs dry. There’s a lot of nodding and smiling and that lift seems to take an age to get moving!
This isn’t a productive level of performance anxiety, it’s outright dread.
Dread rooted in worries of judgement or exposure of inadequacy. Interactions with authority figures transform you into a bobblehead version of yourself. But why?
Where Does This Irrational Fear Come From
For some introverts, fear manifests from past negative experiences where speaking freely led to punishment or humiliation. It could be feedback you received that cut deep or set unfair expectations and has become embedded in your neural pathways, and now sets a standard for how you approach future evaluations. Or maybe there was criticism during childhood or formative work years, causing the deepest mark that subsequently shaped your behaviour.
But fear can also sprout from imagining worst-case scenarios that haven’t actually occurred yet. Introverts prone to rumination get caught in cycles replaying past awkward conversations (or any conversation for that matter), or imagining future situations gone very very wrong.
Some of the most common fears I hear during my work are the prospect of being critiqued harshly or maybe asked impossible questions. That somehow, this person of authority is intentionally going to throw them under the bus.
Regardless of its origin, this fear is robbing you of your power, professional growth opportunities and career progression.
Signs You’re Intimidated By Workplace Authority Figures
- Withdrawing participation, going silent in discussions
- Nodding agreeably without offering your own expertise
- Speaking tentatively and indirectly to avoid definitive opinions
- Over-apologising for views differing from theirs
- Sticking to safe superficial topics versus specific business threads
- Physical symptoms like nausea, shallow breathing and a rapid heart rate
- Excessive worrying about meetings days in advance
- Mentally picturing worst-case confrontational scenarios
- Feeling like you transform into a child version of yourself
To overcome this, it’s helpful to understand where this anxiety response comes from. Were your parents the type to criticise you for interrupting or was there a particular teacher that exercised their authority and scolded you in front of the class? Have certain bosses shut you down for disagreeing with them or have you witnessed them shutting others down, and that’s left you feeling insecure in their presence? Trying to figure out what memories your anchoring this fear to helps to rationalise it.
Notice when it happens too. Does it happen with all authority figures or only a select few? Are you comfortable conversing at a particular level and beyond that you struggle? We’re looking for patterns of behaviour here so think back to past interactions and your response to them, but also look for patterns in their behaviour too. Do you witness certain behaviours in people that trigger a fear response.
They’re Only Human After All
Next, shift your perspective of these humans, because that’s exactly what they are, human. And by humanising them it helps to level the playing field. How do you do this? They all have their own insecurities and challenges. They all have lives outside of work, chores to do, bills to pay and yes, they all feel insecure at times.
But what action is really going to help you overcome your fear? Me asking you to justify your doubts is only going to send your mind wandering back to problematic experiences. What you need is new positive experiences and the only way to get them is to have them.
So you need to have one good experience, then another and then another. And so on, until you’ve overcome this fear.
Make A Simple Plan
To do this be strategic about who you want to get to know. There might be somebody senior in your organisation who you admire and respect but the prospect of having a coffee with them makes your knees knock!
Once you’ve identified who you will approach you need to figure out what you’re going to say. So research them. What do they do? What are their challenges, priorities and goals? Use company information, articles and interviews to get the low down on their story. Absorb this information. Note down interesting questions or observations come up for you and how can you be valuable to them. What skills, knowledge and creative problem solving can you offer to help them?
Then approach them. I’ve done this many times in my career and I’ve never had anyone turn me down. Email them and ask them for a 15 min coffee chat. Explain that you’re interested in a specific area of their work and you have ideas about how you can support them. I guarantee when you’ve done this you’ll feel an immense sense of pride and satisfaction and the more you do it the easier it gets.
Most people don’t set out to trip other people up, but the higher you go in an organisation the more responsibility you have and the higher the expectations are of you. That means what you do has to count and in the day of an extremely busy person, you can bet they don’t have time for games.
With a concerted effort to examine your roots of unease, reframing your perspective and directly engaging with initially intimidating senior figures, fear can give way to healthy professional confidence. Once you unlock your capability suppressed by past hurt or imagined worries, you’ll transform into the leader you were meant to become. No more stumbling or self-doubt, go courageously and make a name for yourself.
