Silencing the Chatter: How Introverts Can Set Boundaries with Chatty Colleagues

When Chit Chat Drains Your Social Battery

Verbal diarrhea. Not an affliction us introverts struggle with and neither do we understand it. On the flip side, our chatty colleagues who feel drawn to fill the room of silence with their incessant chunterings, don’t understand our need for quiet. Unless of course you’ve made it abundantly clear what you want and why you want it (and I’m guessing you haven’t).

It’s not that we’re anti-social, we’re absolutely not. There’s a diversity situation at play here and this is what’s happening.

Introverts like their inner world, whether that’s silence or being shut off with a pair of earbuds. It’s when we work at our best and we’re at our most creative. For us to maintain our concentration and be at our most productive we need to preserve our peace and block out the distractions. We’re also somewhat (understatement), reserved when it comes to sharing details of our personal lives. So unless you’re one of the chosen inner circle, don’t expect us to divulge our inner-most thoughts and feelings.

On the other hand an extrovert feeds off group work and the energy arising from the group. They like to communicate and they process their thoughts and feelings verbally. Spending too much time in quiet solitude will drain their energy and leave them feeling isolated.

I’ve been lucky in my career. For the past 30 years I’ve worked from home. In my corporate life I was home based with travel to client meetings and now, I work for myself. So apart from the odd parcel delivery or rogue salesperson, I’m pretty much undisturbed. But even then I’m pretty good at minimising my distractions. My phone is silent during periods of focused work, I won’t answer the door and I organise my time strictly so there are no suprise calls likely to pop up and throw me off track.

I do understand how disrupting it can be though. When you’re focused on getting a task completed and there’s a constant stream of chat or distractions coming at you. Even if it’s just in the background and not directed at you, the background noise can be very off-putting.

So when we have opposing dimensions at play how do we find a happy medium? How do we deal with the chatty folk and let them know that them just being them is really distracting, bordering on annoying?

The answer lies in setting your boundaries and it’s essential you recognise this to maintain your mental health and productivity. So how do you do this without offending and coming across as the office grinch?

Here are some tips on how to set boundaries with the chatty folk in the office:

1. Be honest and direct: If your colleagues are interrupting your work with their chit-chat, it’s essential to be honest, direct and definitely friendly towards them. Greet them with a smile and say something like, “I’d love to hear more about that and have a catch up with you, but I need to focus on my work right now. Can we catch up later? What time would be good for you?”
2. Use non-verbal cues: If you find it difficult to be upfront and direct, you can use non-verbal cues to signal that you’re busy. For example, you can wear headphones or put up a “Focus Work Time” sign on your desk. Maybe arrange your workstation so you can turn away from the crowd and avoid eye contact.
3. Make people aware of your boundaries: Have some set focused work sessions planned into your calendar and let your colleagues know how you’re organising your day. That way you can also establish specific times when you’re available (or not) to chat or socialise with them. It’s possible they might benefit from this too. I know somebody who blocks out the first two hours in their calendar every day. All their colleagues know that this is his time for quiet, focused work. And, some of his colleagues have adopted this strategy.
4. Find a private space: If you have trouble concentrating with all the noise and chatter around you, try finding a private space where you can work without any distractions. This can be a conference room, a quiet corner of the office, or even the local library. With the world shifting to a more flexible style of working, maybe you can take some work from home days that you can plan as your most productive days, leaving your office days a little more flexible and sociable.
5. Be consistent: It’s crucial to be consistent with your boundaries. If you let your colleagues chat with you one day and then shut them out the next, understandably this is going to lead to confusion and frustration. It won’t have a positive impact on the office vibe so whatever your chosen boundaries are, be consistent.
6. Avoid lengthy meetings: If it’s clear the meeting has reached it’s conclusion and evolved into tea, biscuits and chit chat, ask if they need you for anything else, make your excuses and leave.
7. Seek support from your manager: If you’re struggling to set boundaries with your colleagues, don’t be afraid to seek support from your manager. Rather than think of it as a negative, take the view that this is how you get your best work done and you’re seeking their support. They can help you find a solution that works for everyone, such as rearranging the office layout or implementing a quiet hour policy.

Do remember though that while we must take care of our needs, we also need to mindful of others. Diversity in the workplace means the acceptance and inclusion of all personalities. A diverse workplace is a strong asset when it acknowledges the individual strengths of each employee and the potential they bring.