The Perception Gap: Introverts Think, Extroverts Speak
Are we all just simply cats and dogs?
The introvert, like a wise old cat, sits quietly contemplating, while the extrovert is a playful puppy. Just like our favourite fury friends, extroverts and introverts have contrasting communication styles that can cause misunderstandings.
When Extroverts Are Talking
Extroverts will process their thoughts externally by verbalising them. For them, talking is thinking. They think through problems by discussing them out loud, even if no one else is involved in the conversation. They enjoy group brainstorming sessions and conversations because they can bounce ideas off others.
They’ll often talk simply to fill silence, even if they don’t have anything specific to say. They’re energised by this social interaction and external stimulation, and if they don’t have an audience to engage with they can get bored or anxious. It’s this talkative nature that helps them connect with others.
Because they think out loud, they may express ideas that are still half-formed. Their conversational style can come across as disorganised or unintentionally monopolising. You’ll find them chipping in with random snippets which can appear rude or dismissive, and they don’t necessarily filter their thoughts before vocalising them. Saying things they later realise were unnecessary or unwise.
When Introverts Are Not Talking
Our quiet nature stems from our inclination to think before speaking. We need time to process our thoughts internally before speaking them out loud and we focus at our best when we have limited external distractions.
We rarely talk just to fill silence, although I do if I find myself in one of those awkward silence situations. Generally, we speak when we have something meaningful to say, not just to make conversation. Our energy comes from solitary contemplation and we become drained from too much social interaction. Given the choice, we prefer to express ourselves through the written word rather than talking.
Because of this reserved communication style we can give the impression that we’re not interested, bored or very judgy of others, when in reality we’re simply thinking.
Misunderstandings Between the Two Types
There’s a perception gap here which can often cause misunderstandings between the two personality types.
Extroverts often perceive us introverts as arrogant, insensitive or lacking opinions or emotion. They feel ignored or snubbed by us when we don’t provide continual feedback during conversations. And they often interpret our quiet nature as being cold, shy or anxious.
Likewise, introverts often see extroverts as loud, dominating and vapid. We’re quick to feel overwhelmed by the extrovert’s constant stream of talk and desire to socialise, not understanding their need to be so vocal and wishing they’d just shut-the-hell-up!
In reality, neither type is superior. Both personality types have unique strengths and weaknesses in the way they process thoughts and ideas. Extroverts excel at collaboration and outgoing leadership, while introverts bring focus, deep thinking and an ability to tune out distractions.
Implications in the Workplace
The workplace provides fertile ground for the personality perception gap, and clashes between extroverted and introverted communication styles are common.
- Extroverts prefer phone calls and face-to-face meetings where they can think out loud. Introverts prefer email which allows them to organise thoughts before communicating.
- Extroverts often speak quickly, with thoughts forming as they talk. Introverts need time to process ideas internally before responding.
- In meetings, extroverts tend to raise their hands and speak readily. Introverts listen quietly and participate mentally rather than verbally.
- Extrovert leaders will more readily act hastily, calling short notice meetings or urgent conference calls, while the introverts will want notice and agendas beforehand, and then some time them to circle back with their thoughts.
Bridging the Gap
It seems almost impossible when it’s painted as this black and white that there can ever be harmony between the two. But all it takes is a little understanding and a willingness to forego our preconceived ideas and judgements. Extroverts can avoid labelling introverts as stuck-up or weird, while introverts can refrain from assuming extroverts are self-absorbed show-offs.
Both types should make an effort to meet in the middle, ask questions rather than make assumptions about the other. Extroverts can specifically ask introverts for their opinions rather than expecting continual participation. Introverts can be mindful of the impact of their silence and occasionally offer feedback without being prompted.
When extroverts and introverts appreciate each other’s communication tendencies, they can learn from one another. But not only that, great ideas and pioneering initiatives can be the result when these diverse worlds collide in respectful harmony. Our differences provide balance and our understanding leads to unity.
I work with female introverts in tech sales to help them become visible so they can get promoted.
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