Tired Of Not Feeling Good Enough? Rise Above It With 5 Tried & Tested Techniques
“I hate my job. Every Monday morning we have a team meeting and everyone around the table talks about what they are working on. Some of the women are popular and outgoing and get everyone to laugh whereas I struggle to string two words together. I look and feel like a right idiot.”
No, this isn’t me. But I do know how this feels.
This concoction of inadequacy and discomfort can be overwhelming leading to feelings of frustration, anxiety, self-consciousness and maybe just a touch of envy. Do you need to imagine what this is like or do you already know?
Many introverts find themselves exhausted by the constant feeling of not measuring up to their more extroverted peers, but few know how to break the cycle.
Where Does It Come From?
Finding a precise answer to that question can be challenging because it differs from one person to another. The source of such feelings might stem from various life events; childhood experiences, workplace challenges like redundancy or specific relationships.
What’s important to recognise is that many individuals, not just introverts, grapple with similar emotions at some stage in their lives. However, introverts being the deep thinkers and reflective individuals they are, tend to dwell on these thoughts, causing them to believe that something is inherently wrong with them as these thoughts loop persistently around their minds.
When Does It Become A Problem?
When these thoughts are all consuming. When you can’t let go of them. When you’re mulling this over at 3am. When you dread going to work because that feeling is always there. Or when you’re avoiding social interaction and this negative thought pattern is triggering too much anxiety, that’s when something needs to be done.
Coping Strategies
Many people struggle to see beyond the power of their minds. But just as we’re able to train our minds to accept negative thoughts, we also have the capacity to condition them to believe positive narratives too.
There’s an expression, ‘neurons that fire together wire together’ coined by neuropsychologist Donald Hebb. He first used this phrase in 1949 to describe how pathways in the brain are formed and reinforced through repetition. The more the brain does a certain task, the stronger that neural network becomes, making the process more efficient each successive time.
But where do you start when this has become your default setting?
1. Recognising The Signs Of Negative Thinking
Treat yourself as if you’re looking out for a good friend. Imagine one of your close friends comes to you and tells you that they doubt their abilities at work. What would you say to them? You genuinely care about them and their success, so what would you do?
Might you sit down with your friend and lay out their achievements so they can see how skilled and capable they are? So what’s stopping you doing this for yourself?
2. Treating Yourself with Kindness
Reflect on your achievements. Even though we all have tough days or moments when we’re not feeling our best, we’ve all accomplished many wonderful things in our lives. The tricky part is remembering these accomplishments when we’re caught up in a negative thought pattern.
Sitting down with a sheet of paper and dedicating 20 minutes to jot down everything that makes you proud to be you is a worthwhile exercise. It could be passing your driving test, landing your first job, graduating or even volunteering for a good cause. What truly matters is that the list you create fills you with pride for the person you’ve become today.
Once you have this list, you can revisit it whenever you need a boost. Simply by acknowledging how far you’ve come in life, you can lift your spirits and lower the chances of falling into self-sabotaging behaviors that often stem from this kind of thinking.
3. Celebrating Small Wins
Instead of constantly measuring yourself against other people and comparing yourself to them, focus on comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday.
Even if you find just one small achievement or positive aspect, it can break the cycle of negativity you’ve been caught in.
4. Ask For Feedback
Soliciting feedback can be a powerful strategy to overcome self-doubt. Asking for feedback from colleagues, managers or mentors will give you fresh insights into your performance and how you’re percieved. This process not only helps identify areas for improvement but also highlights strengths that you might have overlooked.
5. Build A Support Network
This network could include mentors, colleagues or a coach. Maybe others who are feeling similar to you. In doing so you’ll have a place to share encouragement, challenges and triumphs. Build your board of advocates who can help remind you of all your accomplishments and positive traits.
The Damage of Self-Doubt
The problem with social comparison and self doubt is that it becomes much tougher to reach your full potential because you lose some of the drive and motivation needed to pursue your goals.
Your self-worth diminishes and you start to isolate yourself. This negative pattern of thinking influences your emotions which in turn impacts your behaviours and ultimately, your outcomes. Then you circle back to same thoughts and the process repeats itself.
The key to breaking this cycle lies in adopting a few simple techniques and consistently practicing them.
