Climate change action is basically the Marshmallow Test

Remember this adorable video of kids taking the Marshmallow test? The premise: a lady gives them a marshmallow and says something along the lines of, “if you wait until I come back to eat the marshmallow, you get another marshmallow.” The kids stare at the marshmallow, they smell the marshmallow, they lick the marshmallow, and some of them nibble the marshmallow.

The Marshmallow test is famous for its research into delayed gratification. Adults are taking the same test, except instead of a second marshmallow, the reward is avoiding the worst impacts of climate change.

This is you. It’s the year 2016. You are taking the marshmallow test.

Let’s set the scene.

The lady in the pink shirt is Mother Nature. You really can’t get a read on her. She seems nice because she’s giving you a marshmallow, but you can sense a little sass. You conclude that she is the kind of person who can be really mean sometimes.

There are some people in the corner talking quietly amongst themselves. They’ve got a whiteboard, and they are writing graphs and numbers on it. They are wringing their hands. They look nervous. One of them quietly sobs. They approach you and beg you not to eat the marshmallow. They assure you that Mother Nature is amazing and you must respect her. You aren’t so sure. You heard the sass. Although she did promise another marshmallow…

James Inhofe is here, and he’s got a marshmallow. He says there are marshmallows everywhere and this lady is lying.

“There are, in fact, marshmallows everywhere if you go outside. My kids make igloos out of marshmallows. There is no shortage of marshmallows. In fact, if you don’t eat that marshmallow, you are a fool and you are doing economic harm to America,” says James Inhofe, the Republican senator from Oklahoma.

Wow, well maybe Mother Nature is a liar. You think to yourself. I should probably just eat this marshmallow right now. I’m hurting America and I don’t want to do that.

You reach for your marshmallow…

But then Leonardo DiCaprio shows up. He says he just came from the marshmallow factory and it is fast running out of marshmallows. And if you eat that marshmallow, Mother Nature will do terrible, terrible things to you. Remember how you sensed she wasn’t that nice? She isn’t. She can be the meanest, cruelest, ugliest lady you’ve ever met.

Leo says that if you eat that marshmallow, the worst case scenario is that Mother Nature will turn the heat up in the room really, really hot. And usher in billions of people trying to escape other hot rooms. And all you’ve got is this stupid marshmallow. No water. No food. And then she will lock the door. You’ll die in this crowded room.

Best case scenario? Dead. Polar. Bears.

You say to Leo, “What are you going to do, Leo? Aren’t you scared?”

Leo laughs. “Me? Oh, I have millions of dollars. I can pay my way out of this room. I’m going to some mountains in Canada where there are still marshmallows. Plus, I’ve also already seen the polar bears. I’m going to miss them, sure, but I’ve checked the private helicopter tour of Antarctica off the ol’ bucket list. You can go, too, if you have money.”

You don’t have that kind of money. All you’ve got is this marshmallow.

James Inhofe looks down at his shoes, looks around the room.

“What about you, Senator Inhofe?” You ask politely.

“Oh, I’ve got family in Canada, too.” And by family, Inhofe means the over $2 million he has received in campaign contributions from the chocolate lobby.

Leo points to Senator Inhofe and shouts. “You’re being paid by the chocolate lobby!”

Senator Inhofe looks shocked and shakes his head. You are trying to figure out why the chocolate industry would want to pay for James Inhofe’s Senate campaign when…

“IT’S A HOAX!” You hear a loud bellow from the other side of the room. A man with orange hair and a scowl on his face claims that there is nothing to fear from Mother Nature, and Leo and his friends are lying.

You are very confused. You look down in horror to see that this whole time, you’ve been nibbling on the marshmallow. You see there is only half of the marshmallow — wait, no, maybe even less — of it left. What will Mother Nature say when she comes back? Will she come back? Does she already know you ate some of the marshmallow? Is it too late? Will you get another marshmallow at all? Or will you be locked in the hot room forever? What about the polar bears?

You start to sweat. Is it getting warmer in the room or is it just you? Leo gives you an “I told you so” look, then quietly slips out of a hidden door. The quiet group near the whiteboard is no longer silent. They are wailing. James Inhofe is no where to be found.

A crowd has gathered around the orange man. The orange man says to the crowd that if they elect him supreme leader, they will ALL get many, many, marshmallows, and they can eat them right away, and it will be great.

46% of the crowd roars for marshmallows! 48.1% of the crowd boos. But because of the geographic distribution of the room, the orange man wins!

You look towards the door.

Click.