A Blogger Writes One Post to Talk About These Horrible Headlines, You’ll be Surprised to Read What he Has to Say
This post won’t live up to the expectations of the headline. That’s what I have to say. Sorry I made you click just to find out what I’m talking about, but that’s pretty much how web traffic works.
Upworthy is the most manipulative website of the entire universe. They were the third best performing site on Facebook in 2013 which is ironic because these guys just share stuff. They do not create content. Actually, they don’t even break news, they just refurbish stories. And some of them are not even stories, they’re ads; just like everything online nowadays.
How the hell do they do it? Curiosity. No, not the curiosity that led humans figure out the age of the solar system or the size of the Earth, but the curiosity that drives old people to eavesdrop in coffee shops. These aren’t headlines, they’re riddles and gossips.
People just click through this stuff because it’s surrounded by actual headlines with bits of information that let you filter through your cluttered timeline. You basically have to click because every single headline is a manipulative statement that requires your full attention. You can’t discard it at once. They just pick generic terms in order to catch your attention. The headlines are about popular and polemic subjects or trends. You read about racism, changing the world or breakthroughs and of course you should be interested. Truth be told, it’s not your fault. Also, the content Upworthy uploads tends to be pretty cool, but in rare cases holds to the sense of urgency and mistery their headlines display.
The thing is, Upworthy just wants you to click. Then you’ll find a 3-year-old Ted Talk or a clip from some random talk show that went viral a few months ago. You click because sometimes you judge these headlines not because their information but for their presence against the rest of your stream of information.
Which one would you click?
- More Troops Deployed To Ukraine This Weekend.
- Is This Powerful Man Trying To Start A War? One May Think So.
One of them is about politics, the other one might be about football for all you care. And that’s the point. With the first headline you may say “I’ve had it with this subject, I’m already pretty well informed and it’s too early in the morning to talk about Russia anyways”. But with the second one… well, unless you’re Iron Man, it seems quite daunting.
Let’s see some examples:
Two Guys Are Making The World A More Knowledgeable Place One Month At A Time
*Are you kidding me? How are they doing this? People have been doing shit for years and the world still sucks! * Well, these guys lived in Syria for a while and made a documentary. The world still sucks and the Global Warming is still rising. The cake is a lie. Bastards.
How should it be? How about: How Is It Like To Live In A Refugee Camp In Jordan
As if we know where in the world is Jordan.
If I’d Learned One Thing In College, I Wish It Had Been This
I spent 5 years in college and two more in film school. What did I miss? Nothing. This is just a Zen Pencil Comic about how you shouldn’t do shit you don’t like.
How should it be? How about: Zen Pencils Illustrates Alan Watts
But who the hell is Alan Watts anyways?
Don’t Look Now, But We’re Dooming An Entire Generation To Being Poor
“Don’t look now?” Why is a headline talking to me? And then you open it and you have a chart saying more people earn minimum wage than in 1979. No facts, no demographics, no nothing. And who the hell says that people earning minimum wage are doomed to be poor?
How should it be? How about: More People Earn Minimum Wage Today Than In 1979
As if we care.
And my favorite:
Having Sex With A Couch Is A Lot Different Than Sitting On One. Shouldn’t Every Child Know That?
Yep, it is. And yes, they should. At least before signing them up for catholic school.
How should it be? How about: Don’t Fuck Your Couch
Originally published at www.invisiblebridg.es.
