Why We Don't Need to Achieve Our Dreams
There's a common misconception about dreams: they're static.
We are star stuff which has taken its destiny into its own hands.
― Carl Sagan, Cosmos
Have you ever achieved something in your life you've always wanted? The answer is probably yes. Whether it's a date, a degree or a place, we dream of things out of our instant reach and work for them. Once we achieve them, we realize two things:
- This was worth it.
- We want more.
Conan O'Brien said:
One’s dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course.
We'll never stop dreaming
We humans are conquerors, whether we like it or not. Ours is a story of expansion, and so it is for each and every one of us. If you climb a mountain, you'll ask for a bigger one, and when you're done with the Everest you'll try to climb it backwards if that's the next challenge.
If your dream is to find someone, then you'll want to start a family. And if your dream is to raise your children, then that dream will evolve as they grow. They'll no longer be babies you have to nurse but men you have to counsel.
Dreaming is a call to action
Dreaming is just foreshadowing, if you're strong enough. And if you're not, you'll have to morph your dream into something else; which sounds a lot like losing but it's not. What I'm talking about is nicely described in Jurassic Park (bear with me, I know).
Yeah, in this case Jeff Goldblum is talking about dinosaur sex changes, but it applies to pretty much everything. We know what we're capable of and for better or worse we have to adjust our dreams to our capabilities. Or not.
You probably don't want to achieve your dreams
There's an old article about sleeping with Madonna (which is different to there's an article about sleeping with Old Madonna which would be more accurate nowadays) and it says that if you really want to sleep with Madonna (again, back when she was hot) and you're willing to do EVERYTHING and make all the sacrifices needed to actually get in her pants, you're doing (her) it.
We know this about our dreams, whether for good or bad. It just happens that sometimes we simply don't want it bad enough, and that's when we morph our dreams. Winning a Superbowl means practicing every day during high school, every day through college, winning, running, sweating and breaking the mold. But maybe we skipped practice a few times back in the day and now we're not good enough for that winning catch. Or maybe we just bailed out. And that's ok as long as you're happy.
There's this movie: Man on Wire.
I know it’s impossible. But I know I’ll do it!
― Philippe Petit, To Reach the Clouds: My High Wire Walk Between the Twin Towers.
Philippe Petit high-wired walked between the Twin Towers in NYC. That was his dream. He was willing to get arrested, break into private property and —of course— walk 110 stories above ground on a wire. If you ask me, it sounds cool, but not my typical wednesday plan. But that was his dream and he made it.
Achieving your dreams won't necessarily make you happy
The thing with dreams is that they're something we don't yet have. So we might not like them once we achieve them or they just might not be worth the sacrifice after all.
I'm gonna go to Disney World. —Phil Simms.
Yeah, I know Simms got paid $75000 for saying that, but how far away from the truth is he? How many times do we see rockstars and sport heroes go out and kiss their wives or hug their children after pretty much achieving our wildest dreams on stage?
We have to be ready for our dream to suck and we have to know that going to Disney World might just cheer us up when that happens. And if they don't suck, going to Disney World is a pretty cool aftermath for anything.
Dreaming is what makes us happy
You probably don't know this, but what you're trying to achieve really molds the person you are today. If your dream is to conquer Asia in the XIII Century, then you'll pretty much try to raid and plunder the nomad lands and build a terrifying army. This will likely result in a lot of stress and hair loss.
But if your dream is to create a new ice cream taste, you might gain some weight but people will have you in high esteem.
It’s not about how to achieve your dreams, it’s about how to lead your life, … If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself, the dreams will come to you. —Randy Pausch.
Happiness is a state of mind, nothing more. You don't get happier when you hug an Academy Award you won 20 years ago or when you look at your bank account. Sure, money doesn't buy happiness, but tears do dry faster when you open the window of your Ferrari in the highway, but you're still crying at the next redlight.
I'll leave you all with this lecture from Randy Pausch, founder of the ETC in Carnegie Mellon, that truly changed my life long ago.
If you liked it, get the book.
To conclude…
One thing, there's a trick in this article: the title.
This article is not about how we might not need to achieve our dreams, but about how we are going to try. And how if we're really willing to put it all in the line, we'll get there only to move forward.
There's one guy I didn't mention before because I like to leave the best for the end. But if someone knows anything about dreaming is him.
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
—Steve jobs.
Thanks for reading, dreamers.
—Cristian E. Caroli.
