How You Can Revamp Your Outlook To Overcome Your Limitations
With a few very simple but powerful changes to your thinking, you may just find yourself in a completely different headspace, with a completely different perspective on life.
Most of us choose to view our circumstances as limitations. We think in terms of ‘what we can’t’, rather than in terms of ‘what we can’. We live out our lives based on what we feel restricted to. We constrict ourselves with these restrictions and use them to define our lives.
We settle for simpler degrees because we can’t do the harder ones. We often work in ‘mediocre’ careers because we can’t pursue the glamorous ones. Hell, we even settle when dating people just because we feel like we can’t ‘do better’!
While there’s nothing wrong with living this way, it means that we are choosing to define our life as a product of all the things that we’re not capable of, and settling for things that don’t really fulfill us. We’re living this way just because we weren’t ‘lucky’ enough to live better. It leaves us with little margin to expand our lives.
But here’s the thing.
Being in your shoes means that there is a point of view that is purely exclusive to yourself, that nobody else has access to. And while your circumstances are not really likely to change, how you perceive them can. You can take advantage of your unique situation. You can learn to use the variables of your life as assets, and build on them.
In my early years on the tennis tour, my playing style and the trajectory of my career was based on what I was limited to. I’m short, so I’d decided that I could only play defensively. Playing defensively meant I’d only win certain matches, and only ever reach a certain level.
I’d already decided everything I couldn’t be and just chosen to settle for whatever was left.
Only later did I decide to revamp the way I saw myself. I looked for the ways that my stature would benefit me, and built on them. Being short now meant that I had the potential to be faster than others, so I came up with ways to use that as an asset and as a way to be aggressive. I started growing rapidly as a player, and my results improved drastically. I started viewing my circumstances as potential rather than as limitations and ended up greatly outdoing a lot of my expectations. I also ended up discovering a lot of untapped potential that I could build on, that had previously gone unnoticed.
So how can you go about changing the way that you define your narrative?
1. Cultivate a Proactive Mindset
“They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
Andy Warhol
All the optimism and positive thinking in the world is useless if you don’t see yourself as the catalyst behind what happens to you. Even if you’re perennially optimistic, and a believer that good things will come your way, you cannot sit back and surrender yourself to the flow of life.
Yes, it’s true that most of the variables in our lives are well beyond our control. We don’t get to choose most of the things in our lives.
But that does not mean that we should relinquish control over what we can influence and merely amble along at the mercy of our surroundings. View yourself as a competent individual. Take control of what you can, and make an effort to live proactively and on your terms as much as possible.
It’s not enough to just believe that good things will happen to you. You have to start believing that you will make good things happen.
2. Be Clear About Your Priorities
“When you know what’s important to you, making a decision is quite simple.”
Anthony Robbins
Most people who feel stuck in life are simply confused because the different elements of their lives are colliding, and they don’t know what to do about it. They don’t know what to prioritize, and they often make matters more complicated by trying to somehow juggle everything.
The thing is that there is only so much we can do. There are only 24 hours in a day, and there is a limit to what we can dedicate our time and effort into. That is why it is essential to be crystal clear about what your priorities are.
Life is all about the trade-offs you make. Too many of us try to resist our limitations and make everything happen. The key is to accept your limitations, choose what you want to invest your time and effort into, and then make peace with everything you give up in order to make that happen.
As they say, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
3. Be Proud of Your Journey
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”
Michel de Montaigne
There are always things to be proud of. We just tend to lose sight of them when faced with the negatives.
We’re allowed to feel good about ourselves and the things we do even when our circumstances aren’t great. Just because it’s bad right now doesn’t take anything away from who you are and how far you’ve come.
And you don’t have to be the very best in order to be a success. You can have your own unique journey, with your own unique milestones and achievements.
Be proud of who you are and everything that you are capable of.
Because no matter what, there is always something to be proud of. Regardless of how rough your current situation is, your journey is still valid. You have still overcome your own unique challenges. It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of regret, but it’s important to remember that if you could have done better, you would have.
You made the best of what you had with what you knew.
If your perspective on your journey is one of regret and shame, then you are likely to overlook a number of potential strengths and opportunities.
There are lots of advantages that come with being in your shoes and having lived out your journey. There is a wide range of possibilities that comes with your unique point of view.
Make an effort to capitalize on these advantages, work with what you have, and play to your strengths.
4. Be Objective About the Negatives
“Pain results from a judgment you have made about a thing. Remove the judgment and the pain disappears.”
Neale Donald Walsch
One thing that so many of us do is attach a great sense of emotionality to our misgivings. We go off on tangents about how unlucky we are, or how we don’t deserve good things and how badly messed up we are. We constantly fixate on the worst-case scenarios and put ourselves under great emotional duress over the mistakes we’ve made.
In contrast, we often downplay the positive elements of our lives. We’re dismissive of the good things we do, often due to some sort of misplaced sense of humility.
However, it is really important to do away with this ill-gotten sense of modesty. Allow yourself to feel good about what you do and who you are. You don’t need to play down your wins or feel shame on account of your desires.
Where you should hold back your emotionality and retain your sense of objectivity is when it comes to the negatives. This doesn’t mean you should bury your emotions and hide what you feel. It’s perfectly alright to feel whatever it is that you need to. But you need not add to this negative narrative. You don’t always need to assume the worst.
Be rational. You are not a broken record. You are a human being and it’s possible to make mistakes. That does not mean that these mistakes are all that define you. Learn to open yourself up to failure, disappointment, and rejection, and grow from these experiences.
Life is pretty complicated. It can be wonderful and it can be unforgiving. It’s usually not what we want it to be. Our circumstances evolve and things change. And try as we might, we have no power over any of it.
What we do have control over is our perception. We have power over how we choose to perceive ourselves and our conditions. Don’t limit yourself based on what you don’t have. Instead, expand on what you do have and propel yourself to new heights.