8 Tips for Finding a Good Therapist: How To Avoid Schmucks and Find the Right One
Would you like to know an industry secret about therapists?
They’re all crazy.
It’s true. I’m not making this up. I can say this because I’m one of them, I’m married to one, I’m friends with them, and I have my a therapist too (I’m on my 4th one now). The fact that they’re crazy is why it’s so hard to find a good one.
To make the process easier, I want to provide some tips I have learned. These steps should help you find a therapist who fits you well and saves you the confusion that most newcomers face:
1) Credentials Aren’t Always Important
Most people start their quest for a therapist on the internet. The problem is that therapists use a ton of acronyms — LPC, LCSW, Ph.D., NCC, EMDR, LMFT, TF-CBT, DBT, BLAH.
Ok, I made the last one up. But really, there are more acronyms than I even know. They all mean something, but are they important?
No.
A lot of therapists like to seem reputable and use acronyms to pad their stats. They fill their business card with the alphabet soup in hopes that you’ll trust them. Some of the acronyms they use are completely meaningless. Take NCC for instance. It means National Certified Counselor. Sounds impressive but it only means that the therapist passed a test by the NBCC and that they have a Masters’s degree. All state-licensed therapists will have done this. NCC is a redundant credential.
On the other hand, I have an LPC. It’s a state-issued license that signifies that I have at least 2000 hours of experience, 100 hours of supervision, have my Masters, and passed the test by the NBCC. This credential does say something about my experience, yet it doesn’t mean I’m good at my job. Remember, I’m crazy.
The letters behind a person’s name aren’t the most important thing. What makes a good counselor is the relationship they have with you. My worst counselor that I have experienced, had a Ph.D. and had been practicing for decades. He trained in several evidence-based practices and yet we had no relationship. The conversation was awkward, and he liked to give me advice rather than listen. It didn’t matter how much he trained, we didn’t connect. Therapy with him was unproductive.
When looking for a therapist, know this: Research shows that the most effective therapist is the one that has a good therapeutic rapport with their client. This is a fancy way of saying, if you have a good connection with your therapist, you’ll do better. So don’t focus on credentials and focus more on the character of your potential therapist.
2) Price Doesn’t Mean Quality
The next thing you’ll notice in your internet search is the price. How much should therapy cost?
Therapy is like wine — price doesn’t determine the quality. Therapist’s charge the amount they think their expertise is worth. In some cases, you’re paying hundreds of dollars an hour for the cream of the crop. They’re experts in the field and worth every penny. Other times, you’re paying twice the price for someone who thinks rather highly of themselves.
In my experience, I’ve had some of the best therapy in my life for 40 dollars an hour. My therapist brought out sides of me that I had never experienced and changed my life. The worst therapist I saw charged 220 dollars an hour. Thank goodness my insurance paid his rates otherwise I would’ve flushed a bunch of money down the crapper.
At the end of the day, most therapists will charge 100 to 150 dollars an hour. This is a reasonable rate for the industry. If a therapist is charging more than that, they better be an expert or you’re probably getting ripped off. If they aren’t providing training to other therapists and aren’t published, then I’d look elsewhere.
3) Avoid Superbills If You Want to Use Insurance
While we are talking about payment, let’s talk about insurance. If you want to use your mental health benefits, you need to clarify if the therapist is in-network.
On Psychology Today and other websites, therapists will say “I take all insurances.” In reality, they don’t. What they use is a Superbill. This is not considered in-network. They give you a bill and you submit it to your insurance for reimbursement. Be wary of this, as some therapists are deceptive about it.
To avoid this scam, don’t ask, “Do you take my insurance?” Instead ask, “Are you in-network with my insurance?” Superbills will count against your out of network benefits. If your new therapist is in-network with your insurance, they should be submitting the bill. You only have to pay copays.
4) The Wait for a Callback Says a Lot
Once you have decided on a therapist, you have to call them. Yet most therapists won’t answer your call because they’re in sessions with clients. They’ll screen your call and call you back at the end of the day.
Or at least they’re supposed to. It’s professional courtesy to call someone back within 24–48 business hours.
However, in my experience, a lot of therapists don’t call back quickly. For me, I do judge them on their response time. If they’re slow to call me back, I wonder how responsive they’ll be in an emergency. If they aren’t organized and can’t manage their time enough for a phone call, what’s it going to be like getting a regular appointment?
The rule of thumb is: if a therapist is flaky from the start, they’ll be flaky throughout. Having your therapist reschedule your appointment because they double-booked themselves is frustrating. Even more so when you’re already at their office. You want to find someone who respects your time. If they can’t do that, then they don’t deserve to work with you.
5) Interview Your Therapist
Once you finally get a hold of a therapist, it’s time for the initial interview. Therapists will ask you questions to get an idea of what you are looking for. They use these questions to screen out clients that might not be the best fit for their practice. This is their way of trying to ensure a good match.
You should do the same. The initial interview is for you to get a feel for their approach. Ask them what techniques they use; what evidenced-based practices they like; what areas they specialize in; and their expectations of you. You can even take the opportunity to ask them what their alphabet soup means too — maybe it’ll mean something important.
The point of all these questions is simple: do you feel like this person is going to be helpful? If you feel comfortable talking with the therapist on the phone, that’s a good sign that you’ll connect with them in person. If they’re abrasive or pretentious, looking elsewhere wouldn’t be a bad idea.
Don’t be afraid to talk with multiple therapists before you decide on one. It’s okay to window shop. The more therapists you interview, the better odds you’ll find one that fits.
6) Give Your Therapist Some Time
Know that the first session is uncomfortable, but give it some time. Like any friendship or relationship, you need to learn to trust the other person. Rather than sharing the deepest parts of your struggle, test out your therapist with smaller issues first. See how they handle it. If they respond insensitively, then get a new therapist. If, however, they are compassionate and helpful, go deeper with them.
The key is that your new therapist will need time to help you. Things won’t get better in the first session. Focus on taking time and building trust. Again, research shows that therapeutic rapport is the best indicator of success in therapy. You have to allow time for that relationship to develop.
7) Don’t Give It Too Much Time
However, don’t take too much time. Although some relationships are slow to build, there are several that are what they seem.
I once had a therapist that could never remember what we were working on. Every week we worked on the same issue and every week he would ask me, “What is it that we’ve been working on?” I figured that as he got to know me, he’d remember.
He didn’t.
After 5 sessions, I asked him, politely, to take better notes so he didn’t have to ask me anymore. He didn’t. Unsurprisingly, in the next session, he asked what we were working on.
The moral of the story is: if your therapist treats you in a way you don’t like, address it with them. If things don’t change, it’s time to move on. Like all relationships, there is a give-and-take. Therapists need to adjust to their clients as much as the client needs to adjust to their therapist. Yet, not all therapists will. If they don’t adjust to a reasonable request, then they aren’t the best fit for you.
8) Be Yourself
If you have finally found a therapist that you can trust, it’s time for one last tip.
Be yourself.
When you find someone you like, it’s easy to fall in the trap of hiding the things you don’t like about yourself. The problem is, therapy isn’t helpful if you hide.
You’re paying to be vulnerable with a person who won’t judge you. Take advantage of it. Now that you’ve found someone you can trust, let them do their job. Let them show you the truth about yourself.
Despite your flaws, you’re a wonderful person doing the best that you can.
That statement might be hard to believe. However, that’s why you just went through the hassle of finding a good therapist. To finally learn the truth you haven’t been able to see.
