8 Ways your Narcissistic Mother Abused You
The scars are all on the inside.
As infants we develop in the context of an attachment relationship. Without someone there to help us, we just wouldn’t survive. So nature has designed the attachment system to ensure that we stay in proximity to our parents. From birth we are primed to attach, and infants take an active role in initiating and maintaining the attachment relationship. As we develop, we learn about the world and ourselves from our parents. The social and emotional learning that takes place during this period is vital to our development.
But when our primary caregiver is emotionally unstable, the attachment relationship is fraught with danger. And there is no escape. Because we are hardwired to attach, we adapt to the parenting we receive. These adaptations help us survive, but they can be problematic once we grow up.
A narcissistic mother is by definition, self-focused. She has very little capacity to provide us with the support and emotional validation we need as children. She is also (in most cases) unable to repair the relationship when there is misattunement. So when she does the wrong thing, impinges, neglects or shames us, she won’t work to soothe or help us, doubling the impact and leaving us to deal with painful emotions on our own.
