A Recipe for an American Hikikomori
The Possibilities of Such a Condition
In the 1990s, the Psychiatrist Tamaki Saitō published the first book on the phenomenon of the condition known as hikikomori. By the 2000s, the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare officially recognized the condition allowing for support to be developed.
The condition in Japan is marked by six months or more of severe social isolation from family, work, and social activities. This is a more complex issue than just preferring solitude or being an introvert. Social and environmental factors play a key role.
Typically, there’s depression, anxiety, autism, social phobias, agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive and/or trauma involved.
It’s a harmful way to cope with social or environmental problems. The person believes complete isolation is the answer, consciously or unconsciously.
Whereas the Japanese culture spawns this condition at a rate of about two percent of the total population between 15–64. The American culture has yet to document this phenomenon. Only 1.3% of Americans are estimated to experience agoraphobia, and about 25% of US adults are considered socially isolated. In the US, there’s a stereotype of adult children who live at home, wasting their lives playing video games.
Video games are often used by Japanese hikikomori as a routine form of escapism.
The big difference is in America, we lack the major social stigma that mental health carries with it in Japan. As such, if someone develops any of the common comorbidities associated with hikikomori, the odds are that said person may get some help to deal with that condition and avoid the hikikomori state.
That said, it’s still possible to develop in America despite our independent freedom loving nature into a hikikomori.
The key to this disorder is the severe social withdrawal for at least six months or longer. The person would likely become a shut-in, with either family, some cash savings, and/or food delivery to have enough support to physically live. By severe we are talking, avoiding most, if not all, social interactions, including family, friends, others and even shopping and medical appointments.
Our Son
Currently, our son is bordering on this state and has retreated into his room most of the time, and then at night plays online video games.
We had sheltered him in a sense by putting him through private education, which helped with the fact that he had trichotillomania and psoriasis. Both physically obvious conditions.
Then the pandemic occurred and, like many of his peers, he had a hard time adjusting to online schooling. But academically, he was never a problem child and excelled in most things. So, as parents, we were not too concerned when he started at a two-year college.
Our mistake as parents was not to keep track of his grades while in college. While this sounds like helicoptering, the reality is that for three semesters he developed this pattern of both getting A’s and B’s with D’s and F’s.
Expensive testing revealed our son’s subclinical autism worsened in public college. Adding to this were his two physically embarrassing conditions. Each semester, he had become more withdrawn until he reached the point of not doing any more classes.
Now he is in therapy, and we are slowly trying to get him to finish his course work.
But as American parents, we’ve had to change our approach, while grades matter, a C or better is fine. We are more after him physically going to classes socially, and maybe getting a part-time job if he’s willing. Except everything is now in his own time frame.
What people don’t realize with this disorder is people go in and out of it over time, and the average person in Japan lives with it for seven years.
But in Japan there’s a growing class of people called 50–80. 50-year-old children living with their 80-year-old parents. I can easily see similar realities occurring here in the US just with the simple cost of housing.
I lived with my own parents until I was 30 and got married. It’s not uncommon for autistics to stay with their parents for extended parts of their life. I know of one autistic who did so his entire life until both parents died, and he’s what I would call a classic American hikikomori.
As for us as parents, we fully expect our children to live with us for an extended period. This is just an economic reality. But for our son, it seems this might be because of his hikikomori condition.
The bigger problem in America is the condition of hikikomori is not recognized as a disability, unlike it is in Japan.
As such, there’s no way to claim any Social Security Income or Disability for it.
As it stands right now, the condition is an invisible illness in America claiming an untold number of people. Which is expected to increase with retirees. In Japan, they see this condition also among retirees who find themselves useless and then withdraw from society after leaving work. Depression is already recognized as a problem with older adults in the U.S.
We in America are not equipped to handle this condition, unlike Japan. We see the comorbidities like depression, the phobias, or the hording that might occur sometimes.
It’s crucial to treat co-occurring conditions, but also to understand why people withdraw socially.
Our son’s anxiety and depression seem to be caused by a mix of health issues, the pandemic, and the challenges of college life.
For him, the cure is basically exposure therapy of slowly doing two classes at a time, with one that he will enjoy even if it doesn’t count towards the degree. Part of the problem is he inherited my wife’s perfectionism, so when he failed some classes, this added to both depression and anxiety. He lost self-esteem thus building the desire to escape from society and family. So, now he needs to learn a “C” is an okay attitude. I never was an “A” student; on average I was a “C” student. So, I expect no less from my kids. It’s going to be a hard transition for him and my wife.
But A’s aren’t what’s important. What’s important is that he goes to class, does the best he can with the required work, and just passes the class with at least a C. Under these conditions, expecting excellence would make things worse, and so we need to be content with the minimum as parents.
In Japan, groups of hikikomori meet for lessons or social hours, like exposure therapy. How I wish this was available on college campuses in the US. Wven if it was a group therapy that would be nice.
Conclusion
An American hikikomori would follow a similar pattern of being extremely isolated from society, friends, and family for six months or more. Even introverts have friends, so they wouldn’t experience the same level of isolationism as someone with no close connections.
Triggering events which for Americans can be like Japan in that it’s work performance related or school related, like our son, but also could be triggered by other events such as failure to secure a job, bullying, or even trauma that led to extreme anxiety and depression. The key is that the person isolates themselves extremely from society as a maladaptive solution to the problem.
This doesn’t make them a bad person, because this choice was more than likely unconscious. But unfortunately, only they can resolve it by making the choice to rejoin society. Society can provide help, like therapies for comorbid conditions, but the choice remains with them.
And they may choose to become an introvert because of the experience. Which is fine if they become an introvert. Nothing says they need to be the life of the party in society.
