A Relationship With Yourself — The Path to Self-Love
When was the last time you told yourself, “I love you”? Have you ever paused to ask why it’s important?
I’ve learned that the hardest relationship to build, nurture, and maintain is that with ourselves. It sounds simple, but is the hardest to practice — it’s a combination of the most beautiful and painful moments you’ll ever encounter on a soulful level.
When I was introduced to the path of self-love, it wasn’t during the happiest moments in my life — it was in the darkest.
“How can you know dark if you have no knowledge of light?” — Emitt Fenn
Have you ever felt an empty void deep inside your chest engulfed by silent screams of confusion, pain, and anxiety? It didn’t matter if you had found your passion or purpose in life, your soul mate, the perfect job, or had all the money in the world — you still felt as if something was missing? We all experience the path to self-love differently, but it leads to the same outcome — knowing what unconditional love is.
Self-love isn’t something you can teach. You experience this on a soulful level. It’s presence becomes stronger in the most painful challenging moments — but we’re blind to it. It’s always there, ready to greet you with open arms if you’re willing to accept, embrace, and experience the journey. It’s always shifting, always evolving, always bringing you back to your true self.
I don’t define self-love as just pampering, hugging, and smothering yourself in kisses. It’s not about being self-absorbed, but being in tune with ourselves. We aren’t aware of how it affects our lives when we haven’t fully set ourselves free. Self-love consists of many different practices and stages such as healing, acceptance, meditation, forgiveness, compassion, setting boundaries and intentions, living with purpose, and so much more.
Are you ready to commit to the journey of self-love? To face your shadow self? Are you ready to have a relationship with yourself? — to be whole and feel unconditional love.
To be free.
The Hardest — Healing
I don’t think people understand the importance and power of healing. When it comes to others, we are quick to nurture, support, and listen. When it comes to ourselves, we are quick to neglect. We let our fight or flight response bury our current or past traumas so deep into our subconsciousness to feel safe when in reality it’s doing more harm. It will affect you in ways you don’t understand from the decisions you make, the relationships you’re in, the way you define your values, your outlook on life, the way you love, how you forgive, your mental health, confidence — the effects are endless. That shit will follow you.
As bad as this sounds, I’m grateful for quarantine because it’s forced us to face ourselves because if not now, when? How long will we continue to push back the process to heal by keeping busy with work, looking for answers in relationships, feeling that hole, and feeling unfulfilled when the only person who can answer the question is YOU. I know it’s painful to look back at things you want to block or have blocked because I’m going through the process. It’s hard but embrace your fears.
Be your biggest protector — no one can fully heal you. No one can grasp the fears or pains you have to live with night and day. Look at patterns. Find the root of what’s causing it, meditate, forgive, and release when you are ready. Most importantly, take the time you need to heal — it’s not a race. Cry, scream, curse at the world even if you don’t mean it. Let your body and soul feel every inch of every emotion so when you’re ready to release, you’ll be able to move forward.
Acceptance, Self Worth, Confidence — “Feel Yoself”
Have you or do you ever feel like you’re unworthy of love?
We all are born to love and be loved. We are all deserving of love.
To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. — Alan Cohen
Why is it that we need to measure our worth through others, whether it’s comparing, competing, or looking for validation. What are we trying to prove or accomplish? How can we allow others to love us when we haven’t taken the time to know or love ourselves? And even when a person loves us, how can we fully bask in the experience when we feel insecurities. When we haven’t fully accepted every inch of our body and soul, we’ve created insecurities.
This way of feeling can stem from different things like self-doubt, anxieties, fears, and traumas. This is why I believe healing is such an important stage to practice.
Look at yourself in the mirror and take the time to appreciate every hair, finger, breath, emotion — everything about you. There is no one out there like you. Feel yoself! You are gorgeous. You are beautiful.
Practice compassion with yourself. We tend to be our harshest critic. We create our illusions and deprive ourselves of things that make us happy.
Don’t compare yourself to others, especially on social media. It’s filled with smoke and mirrors. Accept all parts of you physically, spiritually, and mentally because there is no one like you. If we were all built the same, looked the same, talked the same, acted the same, do you know how boring life would be? You have something unique to offer this world — YOU.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese
Pamper yourself. Whip out some candles, tunes, essential oils, and Epsom salts for a bubble bath. Practice acts of service that ease your mind and body. Treat yourself to dinner, go to the movies or a spa treatment. Become your own best friend. Be comfortable doing things on your own. It’s scary at first. I remember when I tried going to the movies alone for the first time and I felt awkward. Why would I need to feel awkward spending time with myself? The more things I did alone were eye-opening on getting to know who I am as a person.
Live With Purpose
Release what is not serving your highest good. If it’s toxic, it’s gotta go. Find people or things that support you and will want you to succeed. If you’ve been neglecting and harming yourself — it’s time for a change. Put time aside to do things you enjoy. If there’s something that is calling to you, that makes your soul sing, and that motivates you — go for it! Find your rhythm and flow.
Setting Boundaries — Learning to Say No
Protect your precious energy from things or people that deplete it. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, you just have your boundaries. Recognize and listen to what your intuition is telling you. If you feel uncomfortable about something or someone and your gut is screaming at you — trust yourself.
Your intuition is the most powerful tool you have. Sometimes we are the worst at following our advice. Learn to listen.
Me Time — Meditation
There are times where we need our personal downtime. Moments where we need to unplug from the world. Doing this allows us to reflect. Sometimes we get caught up in the busyness of life that we don’t allow ourselves to absorb what’s been happening. We lost sight of being in tune with our essence.
During Me Time you begin to recognize how you internally talk to yourself in times of distress. How well are you listening to yourself in times of need?
Recently I’ve been practicing meditation, which has helped clear noise that was cluttering my mind. I began to see how hard it was to sit within my thoughts because I didn’t want to face them. I’d easily get distracted by worries and anxiety, but I wanted to find ways to be at peace with myself. It takes practice and discipline, but with the time you notice significant differences. There’s something about being able to hear your voice clearly that transcends you to another level.
Let Yourself Feel — You’re Not a Robot
Allow yourself to be human. We all have emotions, but we’ve created this facade of how to showcase and feel. We all handle situations differently. It’s part of the journey. Suppressing emotions causes harm to yourself, and sooner or later causes harm to others around you when that was never you’re intention.
Enjoy the Journey
As you begin your journey to self-love, remember to embrace and enjoy all aspects of it. There will be times where you may feel as if you can’t face certain things, that it’s impossible or too painful — but you will get through this. It will be different for everyone but find your rhythm and flow.
As I said, self-love isn’t something you can teach. It’s something you experience on a soulful level. It’s presence becomes stronger in the most challenging moments. It’s always there, ready to greet you with open arms if you’re willing to accept, embrace, and experience the journey. It’s always shifting, always evolving, always bringing you back to your true self ❤
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