American Small Talk Is Making My Anxiety Worse
‘How are you?’ is an intimate question that connects us as people. Why have we reduced it to small talk?
I’m Tamil so I’m used to callousness and candor. I grew up in the kind of infuriating society where people generously insulted, complimented, and relied on each other to get through the day. But when I moved to Washington DC, I recalled a lesson I learned at University back in Leeds: when people in the West ask how you’re doing, they’re usually not looking to make conversation. They’re being polite. So, it’s important to play by the rules. Good morning, I’m doing great, that’s wonderful.
But as someone who suffers from anxiety, and who has left workspaces and collegial relationships over six years without a single meaningful connection, I really wish American society didn’t just rely on polite talk to get through the day.
You’re gorgeous! I love you! That’s so interesting!
Honestly, when I hear these words, I know it isn’t true. I can take a compliment, trust me, but I know when someone isn’t earnest. I wanted to laugh out loud when my boss said ‘we love you’ just before she told me they were making my job redundant.
