Atelophobia: The Fear Of Imperfection
The fear of imperfection.
The fear of not being good enough.
The fear of failure causing failure.
Not inability, talent or a lack of opportunity.
Just unattainable standards.
Standards put upon by myself.
Standards forced upon me by the world.
Others can fail.
Others can be imperfect.
Others can have fun.
Please don’t placate me.
I know ‘no one cares about that stuff’.
I know ‘we all make mistakes’.
I know ‘I’m only human’.
Reason doesn’t stop the thoughts.
By definition a phobia is illogical.
My only solace comes from the diagnosis.
Knowing that I am not alone.
Perfectly imperfect, together.
Authors notes: To a degree, everyone has the fear of not being good enough. It’s when this fear impacts our functionality that we really need to take action.
I wanted to express with this condition, like so many others, that it is internal. The logical answer, the reasoned response, doesn’t quite help. A lot of the time, mental illness makes no sense.
Our symptoms occur and we deal.
This is why I ended the poem with the value of the diagnosis. It may not cure you, but at least it will put you on the right path, and show you that you are not alone in your suffering.
Listen to a further break down of this poem on The Reality Check Podcast, or watch the episode below.
Originally published at https://www.zachary-phillips.com on August 10, 2020.