Why I Am Thankful For My Trauma
No one wants to experience trauma. But sometimes, it can be considered a gift.
It just depends on how you choose to look at it.
You can use your trauma as an excuse to self-sabotage yourself by drinking or doing drugs or you can choose to help you grow as a person.
Sometimes, it may be unclear on what is considered trauma.
When we think of trauma we think of car accidents, domestic violence, and other forms of tragic abuse.
Little do we know that trauma is not considered only as just an “event” that took place, but it can be your overall childhood.
When we are born — we are born with a clean slate.
We know nothing, but what we are told and taught. The one organ of our body that judges what is considered trauma or not is our brain. Our brain chooses how we react to things.
All our brains are wired differently. Some brains may process certain things to be considered trauma and some may not. We really don’t know until we reach our late adolescence or adulthood.
I am a firm believer that everyone has a reason behind their actions. We as humans don’t just act out for no reason — even tho people want to believe that because it’s easier.
Your childhood most likely will hold all of your answers.
Personally, I dealt with a lot of hate growing up such as experiencing being bullied and being neglected at home. My brain processed this as a form of trauma and pain. I developed depression, anxiety, and an intense feel of worthlessness.
Later on, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Because of this, I acted out in relationships by self-sabotaging it. I hated myself. I felt like I didn’t deserve love. I also allowed people to treat me like garbage; my brain thought it was something that I deserved.
The amount of hate I received convinced me that I was a waste of space.
You are probably wondering why I would be thankful for this negative experience in my life.
This Is Why.
Because I was bullied and treated horribly growing up, I never took being loved for granted.
I also grew from all the hate. It motivated me to do better.
I was called stupid while growing up. Little did they know that I struggled with ADHD.
I knew that even though I am a slow learner — I can still learn.
Instead of thinking of myself as someone less than the average learner, I saw myself as someone stronger. I would rather work harder on comprehending information than having things comes easy to me because it builds my character.
Having everything come easier for you isn’t the best because then when something horrible happens to you, you wouldn't know how to react.
Put This Into Perspective
Let’s think about our ancestors. Back in time, they had to work for their food. They would farm and hunt. They didn’t have grocery stores where all the hard work is done for you. We were very lucky that grocery stores didn’t shut down during this pandemic. We wouldn't know how to hunt for food or know how to make toilet paper (lol). We have it pretty easy.
Another form of trauma I dealt with was my experience with being born with a cataract and developing glaucoma when I was 17 years old.
Luckily, I can’t remember the cataract surgery since I was a month old. I do remember wearing an eye patch on my right eye when I was a couple of years old.
Not only did I have to deal with going to a special eye doctor often throughout my life, but I also had to deal with kids calling me cross-eyed.
This destroyed my self-esteem. I was ashamed of how my eyes looked. I felt insecure about taking photos, but I didn’t allow it to stop me from modeling on Instagram.
The common question I would always get is, “what is wrong with your eye”? I took this as an opportunity to educate the person. I know that it is rare for someone my age to be born with a cataract so I chose to not let that question affect me.
I was diagnosed with Glaucoma at the age of 17, which is extremely rare. Glaucoma is more common in the elderly. My eye pressure was around 40 when the highest pressure for a normal eye is 22. I had to have emergency surgery to lower the pressure in my eye. They had to insert a tube in my eye to do it. During the night of the surgery, the pain medicine wore off and the pain I felt was unbearable. I can describe this pain as a knife stabbing my eye.
This trauma was good for me because it taught me how to deal with pain. I survived it physically and emotionally.
Besides my eye trauma, I have experienced multiple unfortunate events with my health. Because of this, I never take my health for granted. I tried to eat as healthy as possible and workout when I can. I always wonder if I never have poor health if I would be someone who valued fast food service over organic food.
What Does This Mean for You?
Life is what you make of it.
You can either use your trauma as an opportunity to self destruct or you can learn from it and help someone heal from similar traumas.
It is all up to you at the end of the day.
You have the power to choose. What will you decide?
