Best Intentions
When inner struggle causes strife
How would a stranger describe you after ten minutes of conversation? Witty? Funny? Charming? Bold?
In my own case, calm and easygoing would probably be near the top of the list. How do I know? Because I’ve been described this way many times over the years. And this description is true — to a point. I am naturally calm and easygoing at heart, but I also happen to struggle with a serious anxiety disorder and depression. So in my private thoughts, a lot of times I’m the farthest thing from calm.
Despite my best intentions, the anxiety I experience manifests as bad behavior — sometimes as irritation over seemingly trivial things: Why is the pickle jar lid crooked?!
And in looks I give to strangers: You’re receiving this withering stink-eye for cutting me off in the dairy section twenty minutes ago.
And in quirky things that I refuse to do for seemingly no good reason: No, I will not cut my son’s birthday cake.
I’ve learned how to handle my anxiety in healthier ways. If I’m not careful, though, all of the perceived inconveniences borne of mental struggle build up to an emotional explosion. Although this happens less frequently than it used to, it does still happen. And it usually catches others off guard because they’re not privy to…
