Bipolar and Loving It
I’m bringing sexy back! Just kidding. I’m only bringing half of it back. I lost the first half of it somewhere at the grocery store, because I tend to lose a lot of shit, including losing my shit at times too.
I lost my shit in December, as in nuclear-break-down-voices-and-shit, but now I feel good. In fact, I feel really good! But someone in my position has to consider all the variables in order to determine if it’s “normal” good, like I am just having a regular old good day, or “manic” good, as in maybe I better call the doctor haha. But who the hell wants to call the doctor, who will in turn tweak my meds to get me to “normal” good when “manic” good is this good? Jesus that’s a lot of fucking good going on. I am lol’ing right now haha *insert maniacal little laugh, yes I said maniacal because I get to make bipolar jokes, it’s part of the deal*
I am not binge drinking. I am not having reckless sex with strangers. Although now that I mention that… haha just kidding. I’m good. Oh shit goddammit I wasn’t going to say good again. I have not drained my bank account buying useless crap I don’t need (one time during a manic episode I went out and bought a 60 inch HD flat screen TV because I was absolutely convinced I needed it and needed it now dammit). I do love my 60 inch beast though, he has kept me great company over the years. Let’s see what else here, okay well I am sleeping eight hours a night so that’s good. I am taking my meds as prescribed. I think that about covers it. Yep, no, I am not having a manic episode.
Sometimes I get irritated that I have to do this checking-off-the-list thing to determine if I’m too high or too low. Can I just fucking be me for once with whatever kind of day I am having, which probably mirrors the types of days all the normies are having. But I can’t. I’ve got to constantly do the math in order to determine if I’m having an episode or not.
And speaking of math. Fucking christ talk about problems. Fuck you math! I am so tired of solving all your problems for you. What about my problems for once, eh? How’s about you solve my problems? I’ve got two whiny ass kids, a job I hate, and a nonexistent social life, like come on!! Solve THAT why don’t ya. Oh, that’s a no? You don’t want to solve my problems? You just expect everyone else to solve your problems for you. Yeah, this isn’t really working out for me. Do you remember what you put me through when we were in college together? You took a whole semester of my life having to deal with your fucking problems, and I never had time for anything else. Worst. Semester. Ever. I really don’t even know what the fuck I ever saw in you and all your goddamn problems. I am breaking up with you. I will not solve one more fucking problem for you, you’re on your own! Solve your own goddamn problems for once! I’m taking off with science. It’s so much easier with him because he has already proven all his own theories with empirical evidence. See ya bitch.
Yeah, I know there’s a lot of math involved in science. Fuck you math. Just fuck you and your problems.
Haha okay just to clarify I do NOT have two whiny ass kids, a job I hate, or a nonexistent social life. Just jokes people, just jokes :)
I find that humor makes my days and my life for that matter so much better. I love making jokes about myself and having bipolar. A lot of the shit I’ve done in past episodes is actually pretty goddamn funny when I look back on it. Like the time I decided taking LSD during a manic episode was a good idea. Oh my fucking god think squirrel on acid at a rave hahaha I was already hearing voices! The LSD just helped me to put faces to the voices. Score one for the LSD, helpin a sista out like that:
ACID: 1,000,000 points
KARI: negative 57,000 points
OMG what a shit show that was haha! My friends had no idea what in the fuck to do with me, and I was on Jupiter for about twelve hours, so yeah, no more LSD for this girl, ever.
Bipolar +LSD is a no no no no go. Now there’s some fuckin math for ya.
Don’t worry, that was years and years ago haha.
Okay well enough about LSD trips and shit. I’ve done my checklist. I’m good! Fuck. I said good again. Oh well, I like good. Good is good! I’m not “normal” good, or “manic” good, I am just having a good run of days lately, and I’m going to enjoy it! Yes, I am bipolar. I always will be. But I’m bipolar and loving it. And whatever it is you are dealing with in your own life, you should enjoy your life too!
Own your shit. Remember, just own your shit, because it is what it is. Whatever will be, will be. Enjoy it.
Live, laugh, love. And then laugh some more!
*Note to self: continue to look for the half of sexy back that you lost. Along with your keys, your wallet, and your phone*
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