Change And Why You Don’t Have To Suck At It

How do I even begin this? After all, change is one of those concepts that are really just too large to fathom. It exists in everything, it’s everywhere. It always has and always will. It kind of reminds me of outer space, just a never-ending, inescapable and ever expansive vacuum that we’re all apart of whether we like it or not.

I suppose then, that the best place to start the discussion is with those that choose to deny it’s existence altogether, and maybe we’ve all had a little bit of this in us at one point or another. I’m speaking of those that insist backwards and forwards that there is no change in their life, everything is always the same, etc. The interesting thing about this is that some are happy about it others are whining about it. However you feel about it, if you are one of those people that claim there is no change in your life, I regret to inform you that such a ridiculous accusation is rooted completely and utterly in fear.

But where does that fear come from? And how can the same source of fear result in some people being happy and others being whiny? Well, ultimately the fear starts by having an overemphasis on the outside world — by not having enough love or trust in oneself that ultimately your outer circumstances are left to define your happiness. Fear not, very few people in the world are not in this boat, and therefore not pummeled by the idea of change. What comes from that, however, and affects slightly fewer people, is what I like to call the invisible anchor. Most of us are constantly in pursuit of an anchor to our lives — an unbending solution to the majority of our problems. We say things like, “one day I’ll have the perfect relationship, job, home, etc. and that will always be in place and it’ll make all other things easier”. We do this because we want to trust that something will always look after us and do the work of keeping us ok so we can go on autopilot. But the truth is that that doesn’t exist. And it doesn’t exist because no outside source can possibly keep up with the constant change that is your life.

So when things on the outside are generally fine (even though the inside’s a mess), you feel like everything is going all right in life and you’re tricked into thinking that the anchor is in place, of course you try to ignore the fact that your situation can and will change. These are the people that are happy to deny change because they like things just the way they are, and change threatens what will soon prove to be a finite blanket of outer circumstances that they have draped themselves in. The only difference between these people who are happy without change and those who complain about no change happening in their lives is that one party likes their current situation and the other doesn’t — but is afraid that attempting to make change will only result in failure, which, of course, would leave them without anything to believe in.

The fact is it’s the same fear of not having things figured out. We’re scared of the emotional challenges that we’ll face in accommodating to changes of all shapes and sizes because it requires work, but this is one of those things in life that is inevitable. So change is scary for those who try to pretend that it won’t always happen and try to hide from it. Whether it’s trying to prevent a potential oncoming change, being too fearful to initiate the change you desire, or resisting a change that’s already happened, of course you’re setting yourself up for failure.

For as much as humans crave the uncertainty of adventure, spontaneity, and risk, we also crave the certainty of believing we can always lean on something outside of ourselves — something that’ll absorb the brunt of the impact and keep us safe no matter what. It’s like children clung to their parents.

But we all know the truth, don’t we? You’re always one decision away from having an entirely new life. Change is indeed that powerful and that possible, so get a jump start by reclaiming your power over any doubt you may have. Shift your attention to what you want by becoming a dictator of change, thus changing your relationship with the idea of change and being less rattled when changes out of your control come to you. It can be a long journey inward to become one of the many that don’t overemphasize the outside world, but you can begin by focusing on the change that you want for yourself. And if you’ll entertain me, I think the following, simple exercise will help you clear the air and do just that:

Whether we’re talking about relationship change, career change or whatever else, write and honor three lists for yourself: The first is a list of things you want to continue doing. Things that feel right, bring you joy and would be nice to keep around.

The second list is a list of things you want to start doing. That which you want to incorporate into your life but haven’t paid due attention to in the past.

The third list is a list of things you want to stop doing. Poisons that have had a negative effect on your current situation and would not be useful to you in the change you’re creating for yourself.

By creating these lists, you’ll put yourself back in the driver’s seat and be reminded that you are the director of your life, capable of developing the change that you want and having the right blueprint to stick to when unexpected, adverse change does inevitably come to you.