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Complex Trauma and Self Blame
Liberating oneself from toxic penitence
I used to find fault with everything I did and everything that happened, even when it had no bearing on what I could control. Throughout my life repeated messages, spoken or unspoken, of being ‘pathetic’, ‘too much’, ‘not enough’, or ‘unlovable’ were internalized. Over time, I saw myself as the cause of the pain and chaos surrounding me. Traumatic abuse planted core beliefs that I deserved the mistreatment I endured, that everything was my fault and if I had just behaved or been different, painful events wouldn’t have happened. This pattern of self-reproach was a manifestation of deep seated toxic shame, a term descriptive of a pervasive feeling of being fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or bad as a person.
As a seasoned trauma-informed psychotherapist, I’ve witnessed for over three decades how this unfortunate pattern of self inflicted condemnation impacts the complex trauma survivors I have the privilege of working with.
Complex trauma refers to exposure to multiple, prolonged, or repeated traumatic events, often interpersonal in nature and the lasting impact it has on a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. By its very nature, survivors of C-PTSD bludgeon themselves with recrimination, as it is a deeply ingrained survival response.
