Compliance Makes Us Vulnerable
Neurodivergent people are often expected to show unquestioning obedience
Like many of us, as a kid I was expected to be quiet and do what I was told. I’ve never been very good at that, mind you, but the message was made abundantly clear: You are a good person if you put your head down, work hard, and don’t make trouble.
Pfft.
As I said, obedience was never my strong suit, and that has certainly not changed in adulthood.
Regardless, it was expected and demanded. I was taught that “good” kids do what they’re told and are shown kindness. “Bad” kids who don’t listen are punished and shown cruelty.
Compliance became a survival skill, which caused me significant difficulty in adolescence and early adulthood.
“Fake it ’til ya make it”
…but what happens if you never make it?
The need to be good, to be liked, to gain the approval of others led me into unhealthy relationships. I became a chameleon, trying to turn myself into whatever I thought other people wanted from me. Friendships were based on lies, false personas, and trying too hard.
Romantic relationships were worse. I was a pathological people-pleaser, trying desperately to be…
