Deep Healing Comes From A Space Of Acceptance
Permitting myself to cycle through depression.
I had a strange feeling last night. I knew this morning was going to move a lot in me; I knew it’d be hard too.
It was a familiar feeling of my body preparing itself for depression; it can’t be stopped, I’ve tried to fight it off in the past.
I’ve tried almost everything.
Drugs, alcohol, TV series, films, travel, live music, work, sex, porn, trauma bonds with women, real connecting bonds.
I’ve been lost in these things because I didn’t want to feel what was underneath.
I overstimulated, hid in super-achievement.
I had a direct conversation with one of the people I grew up with last year; he observed that I sought instant gratification. I said that I was only trying to survive the pain.
It was a moment, nothing more.
The energy of that moment stuck with me.
Sometimes it’s the small moments with friends, the ones we never get the chance to recognise and acknowledge. I wouldn’t know where to start, and he wouldn’t want me to.
He gave me the chance to speak, through his curiosity and frank honesty.
