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Defining Your No Tolerance Zone
Knowing your deal-breakers and points of no return
No can be a beautiful word. Yet so many of my clients seeking treatment for relational trauma cannot bear the responsibility of denying another what they want. Even when mistreated and pressured to give more than what is received, they feel conflicted about possibly hurting another’s feelings by refusing to cave and uphold self-sustaining positions. They cringe at the thought of being perceived as mean, inhumane or bad. For these folks being good precludes rules of engagement, discernment and discrimination. Hence they set themselves up as dumping grounds for exploitive, abusive maneuvering.
My extensive experience as a trauma survivor and a seasoned clinician specializing in treating complex trauma, addictive disorders and narcissistic abuse syndrome, has shown me that erecting definitive boundaries and establishing a clear-cut code of conduct is inseparable from experiencing mental health.
Nevertheless, this is not an easy task. Upholding quality relational standards can be a source of tremendous distress, especially if one has been groomed to survive abuse through acquiescence. Furthermore, how does one even know what constitutes abuse when not dropped into one’s body? After all, having access to emotional and sensorial awareness is a critical…
