Depression Stole My First Two Years of College
How I dealt with and overcame the hardest years of my life
College, in general, is a big deal. You are completely by yourself for the first time in about 18 years, and you have to adapt to such a big change which most people aren't quite prepared for, and you have to do it gracefully.
I moved to Florida from South Carolina, right before my junior year of high school started, and to say I hated it, was an understatement. I left all of my friends, my closest family, and my first real boyfriend. When school came around I refused to go to classes, I was mad at my father for making our move, I hated everything that ever had to do with Florida. No one could tell me anything that would make my hate go away. Junior year came and went, and then came my senior year. Not the best, but it was definitely better than my junior year. I, of course, had made new friends, got accepted into the colleges of my dreams, won national titles for my school and club, and graduated with honors.
My depression and anxiety episodes started my junior year of high school but didn’t really start on a big-time level until my freshman year of college.
According to a recent survey, three out of five students experienced overwhelming anxiety and two of the five were too depressed to get out of bed. This is due to most college campuses not having the well-being of students at the forefront of their plan and minds, which hurts the students with their academic careers.
According to the blog Higher Education Today, the action steps that colleges need to take in order to support these students that have anxiety and depression are teaching life lessons, promoting social awareness, encouraging students to get help, following crisis management and procedures per their school. Having resources readily available to students to use, any day or time is an important part of trying to subdue the percentage of students having these disorders. Over the last few years, colleges have become more aware of the ongoing situations that students go through and have started to take these steps, but are nowhere near where they need to be in order to fully take the situation under control.
For college, I moved to a bigger city that was about three hours away. I had extended family that lived in the area but it wasn't like I was close to them and could just show up at their house when I needed to do my laundry. I was alone and had to figure stuff out by myself.
For my first semester, I basically had to move in by myself due to some health complications that landed my dad in the hospital, six hours away. After that incident, everything was fine up until my third month and I just started to get homesick. I would go home almost every weekend, that I didn’t have to work, but then it got to where I hardly ever went home. I didn’t want to have to leave my family again, it was still hard (there were a lot of tears whenever I had to leave), so I just stopped. Then I got really hooked on partying with my roommates and would get trashed, which evidently didn’t help my academics or depression. It only delayed them a little bit longer, so I wouldn't have to think about them for a few hours.
My second year at college was a major low for me. I had such bad anxiety that I would get panic attacks just by going to classes. I hated in-person classes so I tried to get all online classes. Then, my depression was the worst it has ever been. I did no work for my classes, what so ever. I didn’t hang out with my roommates, I didn’t talk to my parents, I ate and I stayed in bed, all day.
It stayed like that for a while until I would meet a boy online and stay at his place, but we all know how those end. Badly. Very badly.
It wasn’t until the second term of my second year that I finally realized, with the help of my friends, that if I continued to do what I was doing, that I probably wouldn’t be alive very much longer. I joined a sorority, to get out of my room. I started going to the therapist on campus, but then I went to therapy off campus (that was the best option for me personally), and still go to therapy, used resources that my campus had, and I met the love of my life. He has pulled me through a lot of low’s and I wouldn’t be here without him.
I am still in college, but I know when an episode is coming on, so when I start to feel down I get out. I go to the beach, I go for a walk around my apartment complex, I hang out with my roommate. All I know is that I cannot be alone when those feelings start to form. I need someone to listen to my problems and feelings. I go to my therapists weekly, sometimes more than once a week. I do this because I know that I am better than what I was a couple of years ago.
I learned a saying from church when I was younger stating, that you can’t do life alone. That sticks with me to this day and it is now my life mantra. You need people in your corner that will accept you for who you are and always have your back, even on your lowest days. So, go find your people and make sure they are there, even when you aren’t.
When you feel like you are in a low part of your life, or starting a deep dive into that low part, make sure that you are talking to someone. I promise, they can help relieve some of those anxieties that you are feeling. If they can’t help you, they will know someone that can help you.
All in all, stay within a group of people who you can trust and who you are comfortable talking to. Also, use your college campus’ resources that they provide for mental health, especially the therapist. Use resources. Keep your health a priority, it is more important than graduating and getting those straight A’s. Most importantly, remember, you cannot do life alone, you need that help, and that is okay.
