Different Boats, Adrift in the Same Sea
Working as a mental health counselor during COVID-19
During the past 3 months alone, we have all taken part in — to varying degrees — unprecedented, unpredictable, and uncertain events.
Adrift in An Uncertain Sea
At the very beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, Bessel van der Kolk, stated that there “are no experts” right now because this is not something we have ever experienced on this scale in modern history. As such, we have all been trying to pull together materials, statistics, and other bits of information across different disciplines in order to maintain mental, physical, and relational health from the most well-rounded perspective.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, providing mental health services during quarantine has been simultaneously a blessing and a burden. It has been a great privilege to be able to help others make sense of their emotional reactions and responses to COVID-19 and all of its myriad impacts on us as individuals and as a society. It has also been a great challenge for the reasons I have discussed the article linked above — namely, the technical difficulties and frustrations involved with shifting to providing 100% telehealth counseling essentially overnight.
The difficulty I want to further discuss here is that we are all impacted by this global event — counselors included. Myself included.
We are all floating in the same uncertain sea — together.
Counselors Struggle Too
That counselors are also people who face struggles is not a revolutionary statement. It is obvious that counselors are not immune to stress and distress just because we help others with their own stuff. What makes a counselor’s struggles different than the struggles that their clients face is that — for ethical, legal, and practical reasons — the counselor’s struggles need to stay out of the counseling session.
When someone is coming to a counseling appointment, they are paying for, expecting, and deserve the counselor’s full attention. I cannot be distracted by “my own stuff.”
There are times when these boundaries collapse for better and sometimes for worse. In the best cases, a counselor can disclose something similar to what their client is going through in an effort to: (1) communicate that they are not alone in dealing with something, (2) build a better sense of rapport, (3) share some personal insight into a situation. In these cases, a counselor has practiced appropriate self-disclosure assuming that the counselor is no longer currently working through it themselves. If not, the counselor runs the risk of trying to “fix themselves” by helping the other person.
In the bad cases of a counselor self-disclosing something to a client, it can flip the counseling dynamic around in such a way that the client feels like they should not overwhelm the counselor with their burdens. When this occurs, they no longer feel the freedom to discuss their struggles and needs.
I find myself reflecting back on some of the fundamental aspects of counseling during this time because I keep circling back to the question of: how does this all this play out when we are all very clearly being impacted the same thing?
Together
It is common practice for people to ask “how are you doing?” when they are really just saying “hello.” We do this to strangers on the street, to the barista giving us out a daily dose, and our coworkers.
Often times, people will also ask me how I am doing when they sit down for their own counseling appointments. I think that most times this is genuine since we are about to spend the next hour focused on them and they may feel some need to be cordial. Other times, I think that this is just a habit — it is just the first thing we say to people when we see them.
Earlier during quarantine, a client asked me how I was doing with everything going on. Very quickly, he corrected himself and said: “well I guess I am not really supposed to ask you about those types of things.”
It was such an interesting moment to me because we are all going through this — there is no one who is really and truly immune to the emotional, social, and psychological aspects of what is taking place around the world. This being the case, I couldn’t lie and be oblivious to it all. He knew that I must be having my own stuff going on as well.
And he was and is correct. This has not been easy for anyone. So we talked briefly about some of the woes and frustrations about telehealth, about balancing working from home while having a newborn at home, and about just the overall anxiety that occurs in all people when there is uncertainty surrounding us.
We shifted gears back onto his stuff and kept the counseling session going as close-to-normal as is possible with the forced shift to telehealth. It was an important moment, however, all things considered because it got me thinking more deeply and broadly about some of the issues we are all facing.
Different Boats Adrift in the Same Sea
As I have continued to reflect on this small moment, I have begun to think about the big picture of all of this and what it means for all of humanity to be going through something corporately. While we may feel more and more alone (especially when we have been more socially isolated), it has been a reminder that we do not have to face things alone.
To pretend that we are not impacted by what is going on around the world is a disservice to ourselves.
To pretend that I am not impacted by what is going on around the world is a disservice to myself.
I needed that moment in that counseling session to remind me that I too need to maintain a focus on my own emotional, mental, and relational health as much as I am encouraging others to do. If I do not, how can I expect to have anything to give to anyone else? Additionally, if I am too filled to stress, anxiety, or what-have-you, how can I hold space for others?
The phrase “drifting in the same sea together” has helped me to wrap my head around some of the emotions I have been feeling that have been brought about by or exacerbated by COVID-19. It has given me peace in understanding that — as we heard from van der Kolk at the start of this — there are no experts right now.
Yourself included.
Myself included.
And that is okay because we are all in the same sea and we can figure this out together.
We can continue to help point each other towards hope. Towards humor. Towards each other.
We can continue to support each other when we are feeling low and frustrated.
We can continue.
I can continue.
