Do you love me, or the idea of me?

The impact of BPD on relationships.

Do you love me, or the idea of me?

That question was asked of me during one of the many fights I had with my soon to be ex.

At the time I said I loved her, not quite understanding the wisdom contained within her question. Now, over a decade later, her question came back to mind and I finally feel like I can make some headway into properly answering.

Our relationship was a roller coaster ride.

When things were good together, they were great. Passionate and fun. But over the course of the year, it began to sour.

We were arguing more and more. Stupid misunderstandings blown out of proportion. With tempers raised we would argue and fight, often ending in tears on both sides, but the next day (or hour) we were fine again.

At the time I was struggling through my final year of university and my mental health was subsequently suffering. I ended up seeking special allowances from the university in order to pass. I was self-harming, and at times I was suicidal.