Dodging Narcissistic Abuse By Becoming Insufficient Supply

Shedding the traits that make one a victim of abuse

Photo by Roman Aguila on Unsplash

Often in my work as a complex trauma therapist specializing in recovery from narcissistic abuse, I hear victims lament with self-annihilating guilt over taking a hard line with a disordered narcissist. This is especially true of adult children of disordered parents and unwaveringly devoted spouses.

As a survivor of complex trauma, I know all too well how this propensity for self effacing pliability is both a byproduct of cognitive biases and prolonged trauma bonding. Moreover, like many brainwashed victims the mind control and the tactical manipulative behaviors I endured, convinced me that this destructive stance was noble and virtuous.

Misguided by humanity and compassion towards the abuser’s plight with mental illness, the victim bludgeons themself with recrimination. Sadly, this resistance with requiring accountability and exercising self-protection feeds the notion that the onus is on the victim for not finding a way to effectively accommodate relentless tyranny. This mindset ensures that unrepentant abusers can persist with destroying those who tenaciously exemplify the definition of primary supply, with impunity.