Don’t Underestimate How Much Healing Happens After Therapy
No, you’re not cured
I am quite the Goldilocks of therapy, having seen four different therapists by the age of twenty-two and finding none of them quite right. It felt like they didn’t get me, like they were placing their ideas onto me rather than reading between the lines of what I was saying.
But looking back, I have to admit that I was a big part of the issue too. I wasn’t ready to get better. I wasn’t ready to abandon my harmful coping mechanisms and adopt healthy ones. I wasn’t ready to be honest about how dark the inside of my mind actually was.
Then my fifth therapist came along and finally diagnosed me correctly. It turned out that all this time, I had been struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder. It wasn’t the label that made the difference, but rather her specialisation in treating trauma and personality disorders.
She could recognise what I wasn’t saying, when I was adapting to her and more than anything, she assured me that other people felt the same way as I did. I wasn’t a freak; I just had more baggage and hurdles than non-BPD people do.
I spent a year and a half doing weekly sessions with her, most of which I left exhausted with mascara running down to my chin — I eventually gave up wearing it on these…
