Drama 101

Drama drama drama. Drama on TV. Drama in relationships. Drama at work. Drama in sports. Why do we love the drama? And an even better question might be: Why do so many of us try to get away from it, insisting that it’s toxic and that life would be so much better if they could just avoid drama? Well buckle up and listen closely because the same answer applies to both questions and the answer is…

Drama is all you know. It’s all you do and you’ve been doing it your entire life.

Now that might sound silly to some. Probably sounds silly to most, actually, because a lot of “stable” people in the world really make an effort to avoid what is commonly thought of as drama. They try to avoid things like starting fights and spreading rumors by staying in their lanes and minding their own business. Assuming you’re one of these stable people, you probably relate to this. You might slip once in a while and occasionally get sucked into the drama vortex, but you do your best to recognize that and stay out of it because at the end of the day life is easier when it’s lived in peace. You’re right about that one, but what you’re probably not right about is how few fights you’re starting and how few rumors you’re spreading. And no, I’m not referring to the receptionist at the DMV that you chose not to punch or the gossip about Karen at the office sleeping with the boss that you chose not to spread, I’m talking about the fights you start with yourself and the rumors you tell yourself.

Let’s start with what you’re doing right now. You might be walking up to someone you’re about to strangle, or yelling at your windshield while you’re stuck in traffic, or humble bragging about how good of a pass you made in your game yesterday or maybe happily sitting in a studio happily typing away at a story for Medium. Anywhere in the spectrum is fine. But what are you not doing? Obviously there are countless things that you’re not doing, but more specifically, what is the opposite of what you’re doing? More often than not, the polar opposite of what you’re doing is something that would cause you discomfort and is the very fuel for why you’re doing what you not doing.

About to strangle somebody? You’re making an enemy out of them and whatever reason you want to strangle them for. Yelling in traffic? You’re making an enemy out of traffic and the presumably late arrival to your destination. Humble bragging? You’re making an enemy out of the idea that whomever you’re talking to didn’t recognize your achievement and doesn’t take you seriously enough. Writing a story for Medium? I’m making — I mean you’re making an enemy out of — I don’t know — not being productive enough, or taking a lazy day, or doing a different job. Although each of these little enemies clearly vary in severity, they are all icebergs that go way beneath the surface and lead to unhealthy levels of attachment.

Now listen up here because this is about to get wordy:

To avoid any one thing so much that it fuels you to do exactly the opposite is not only to start a fight (small or large) with whatever presence that thing has in your life, but also to tell yourself a rumor that that thing’s existence and living with that thing is bad for you. This is opposition. Opposition is conflict. Conflict is drama. It is in this way that the vast majority of us have drama in all sectors of life.

So we’ve reached the part of the story where I try to tell you how to overcome this and rid yourself of drama. Oh boy. Let’s give it a shot.

Listen, the exploration of that which you’re doing and therefore that which you’re trying to avoid, even in the most minimal of senses, is the beginning of finding peace in your life.

Watch yourself during the day. Be aware of the enemies you’re constantly making and instead of deeming them as bad and resisting them like you have been, really lean into them and ask yourself questions like:

Am I overemphasizing this enemy, making it out to be more significant than it is? How would my life be if I didn’t let it get to me so much? What is this enemy I’m making trying to teach me about myself and maybe my about my past? Am I really seeing the whole picture? Have I given it a fair shot or have I always avoided it? Do others see it differently than I do? What happy people do I know that allow this thing in their life? Could my happiness coexist with this thing? Have I caused the presence of this thing? What actions could I take to make peace with it?

You see, by becoming cognizant in this way, you not only get a chance to know yourself better and expand your thinking, but at the same time, you also have a chance to step away from your thinking. You get a chance to observe your thinking behavior rather than becoming caught up with it and identified with it. Detaching from your ego in this way and watching it work is ultimately the only way to make friends with your enemies — even though you still might not prefer them necessarily — because your ego is what’s doing the fighting in the first place.

As long as you have goals, preferences, and inclinations towards anything in life, this drama will exist. And each of those is healthy, normal and unavoidable so drama will always exist. But the extent of it and healthiness of it depends on how much you choose to vilify the opposite of these goals preferences and inclinations.