‘Everyone Will Know I’m Crazy Now’
Why a panic attack doesn’t look the way you think
If you haven’t experienced a panic attack yourself, it can be very difficult to imagine what one looks and feels like. The name is somewhat deceptive. We all know what panic feels like, right?
‘Did I leave the oven on?’ ‘Did I turn off my hair straighteners?’
That bolt of adrenaline through your body as these thoughts jump, uninvited, into your mind. Then, you either run back to check if you’re close enough or reassure yourself that you did turn it off. Once it’s dealt with, you likely won’t think about it again. If you have these sorts of thoughts often, and they’re generally irrational and harder to stop, then that may in fact be anxiety.
Sometimes though, that sudden rush of terror isn’t prompted by anything at all. Or it is, but it is wholly out of proportion with the panic that results. My first panic attack happened at church. I’d volunteered to run the children's’ hour one Sunday morning in the summer so that the usual leaders could take a break and attend the full sermon. The week before my session was due to take place, the guy in charge of organizing it showed me where the kids hour takes place and where I could find the arts and crafts things. It sounded simple and I mistakenly thought I wouldn’t be alone in running…
