Feeling Stuck Is A Lot Worse Than Feeling Lonely
It’s a straight ticket to depression.
When I fell into my first depression about nine years ago, it didn’t come slowly.
It came in an instant.
It didn’t start from day one and then slowly spread like poison until day 200. Then you realize that you are in a depression and you’re in desperate need of meds.
It came in less than a month.
And that feeling was being left behind.
Feeling stuck.
Unable to move up or down. Just stagnant.
And just crash all the way down like the Bitcoin price today.
The Park Was Once Full of Kids…..Before They Grew Up
When I was in school, I used to have two good friends with whom we became very close for a long time since primary school.
We became best friends after we found out we have the same interests, laugh at silly jokes that no one else would find funny, and talked a lot about the video games we played. Plus, they were the ones who were patient enough to teach me when I was struggling academically in some subjects.
But when they moved out to continue school elsewhere, I felt like the school we went to together became a ghost town.
It’s like the park that used to have a lot of kids is deserted because all the kids grew up already.
I became miserable and lonely in an instant. In just a month, my world seemed to be gloomy. It’s hard to even get up in the morning knowing that your best friends won’t be there anymore, and I felt like I was stuck when they moved.
I thought that I could handle it when they told me that they were moving, but it turned out that when that day came, I couldn’t.
Life happens, things changed, we changed, and we all have our own goals.
I suppose each season has its time.
But I wish someone could warn me how sucks it felt to be stuck and left behind.
Because it’s a whole lot worse than feeling alone.
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different?” — CS Lewis
I’ve done things on my own before.
I can stay at home, read a book, watch Netflix, write something, work on something myself etc. And I enjoyed the time I spent alone, having my me time.
In a way, I don’t mind doing my own thing myself or how I’m going to entertain myself, keeping myself busy.
But the feeling of being stuck or left behind is another matter entirely.
I went to the same school from Kindergarten all the way to high school. I had never felt that upset and dreadful until that last year. And just because of that feeling, in just one month, I fell into depression and I didn’t really want to even look back to that school.
People used to ask me if I was all right because I wasn’t who I used to be, and I, regrettably, said, “Well, people change. It is what it is.”
I got angry easily, and I didn’t want to be with anybody if they think I’m a burden to them.
It wasn’t the school’s fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.
Every season has its time.
And we didn’t even know it when the seasons passed.
Feeling Stuck Is a Ticket Straight To Depression
At first, I thought loneliness was the thing that brought me to depression.
But that is the toll of depression.
When you feel stuck, that is the car to depression. And that car is a Lambo going 200km/hour.
Because you feel like you are left behind when everyone is progressing. Imagine you are stuck in a maze, and only your friends can move on but you.
That’s a horrible feeling.
I realized that the feeling of being left behind or stuck is the reason why I can become depressed.
My second depression came when I felt stuck in my job, though I had to give this one a rest and not blame the company because they helped me during the pandemic to stay afloat.
But at that time, I felt like I had no progress. I didn’t grow or learn anything new, and I knew I had to quit. The problem was that no one wanted to hire me then, and freelancing wasn’t going to cut it for me either.
Again, this wasn’t the company’s fault either because they had to restructure for the business to survive and we were still recovering.
I thought for sure that I was a failure and that I had no progress at all and that my career is ruined.
The Solution to Unstuck
When I recovered from my first depression, it was when I eventually moved out of the school.
Immediately, everything improved for me.
My mood was in check, my grades were picking up, and my social life was also progressing.
So the key to resetting the feeling of being left behind is to get a new environment.
During my second depression, it was a lot harder to move out because this involves what you can do for a company.
And I wasn’t confident enough with my limited skills at that time.
But thankfully, I was already progressing in writing online and we were still working from home.
So I improved my writing portfolio, and when my writing fuel reached its peak, I wrapped it up and updated my CV. Then I started applying.
It was a long journey to find another job but praise the Lord months later, I got the job.
And just like when I recovered from my first depression, my fire was back again.
To this day, I’m still learning and growing in my new position and the industry I’m in. Plus, thank God I have a supportive team who are patient enough to teach me.
As of now, I’m still new. But I’m doing the best I can to return the favour and show them good results for the company.
I still got a lot to learn and experiment with within and outside of my job, but overall, things are a lot better when I’m not stuck or feeling left behind.
What about you? Do you agree?
